


See You At The Bitter End

by arcanewiz, monochromekiss



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Biphobia, Child Abandonment, College, Coming Out, Daddy Issues, Domestic Disputes, Eren is attracted to levi romantically but levi only wants him sexually and is cold about it, Everyone is of age, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Growing Up Together, Hence onesided teacher student relationship, Homophobia, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Marriage Proposal, POV Alternating, Parent Death, Self-Esteem Issues, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Trust Issues, aro/ace hange, ereri isnt endgame, everyone is of age when levi and eren meet, one-sided ereri, supportive friends, the cheating is not glorified nor will it be end game
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-03-11 06:59:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13518948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arcanewiz/pseuds/arcanewiz, https://archiveofourown.org/users/monochromekiss/pseuds/monochromekiss
Summary: Levi first meets Erwin in high school as a socially awkward teen, but the two of them somehow enter a long-term relationship. Years later as adults they are still together, yet things are not as perfect as Levi remembered.Eren has a hard time as a teen, stumbling from one bad relationship to the next and struggling to truly accept himself. But at least he has the support of his best friend Armin to keep him going.When Levi and Eren's paths cross, it might just cause heartbreak and disaster for them both and everyone else around them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Links:   
> [This fic's playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/sqgmudtepd6g6kafz7of08ds0/playlist/54JTgZAMhNWfI7wOafsDKJ?si=qqAcMajCR5GLn1FKZSiGDw)
> 
> [A's twitter](https://twitter.com/saegigo)
> 
> [M's twitter](https://twitter.com/MonoVarnham)

 

**October 1998**

 

So many things will happen to one person in the course of their lives that it becomes impossible to remember everything. Some memories slowly fade away over time and become only vague recollections. But then other memories will hold an important significance and never seem to fade. Even after many years pass, every small detail is still there as if the event only took place yesterday.

For Levi, the first time he met Erwin Smith would always be one of those kinds of memories. It had been a seemingly ordinary day in tenth grade of high school. Levi was sat on his own in the cafeteria, hidden in the far corner away from everybody else. He had never been interested in socialising or becoming popular, so most lunch times were spent in solitude. That was unless he had the misfortune to be interrupted by the only friend he had.

Hange was quick to spot Levi in the crowd, not really one for having lunch at school, she had already eaten and simply set her bag down and sat right across from Levi since it had become the usual routine from the day Hange decided to force herself into his schedule. “You’re like human repellent huh.” She chuckled, looking around and noticing that really most people tended to stay as far from Levi as they could with their groups.

“Good. I like being on my own. It’s quiet.” Levi huffed, glancing up briefly at Hange before he returned his attention back to the textbook he had open on the table beside him.

Hange hummed, tapping her fingers on the table for a moment of silence. “Did you know that if you bury someone in an alkaline, warm, airless environment it may cause adipocere? It’s like your whole body was encased in soap! There’s a woman’s body in a museum that went through that transformation and she actually gets used as a test subject for both new and old technologies and they keep finding more and more information about her! Isn’t that fascinating?!”

Levi tensed up at his friend’s words, grimacing down at the food he had been eating for a long moment like he might be sick before dropping his fork down on the table. “Well that’s my bloody lunch ruined!”

“You haven’t even seen the picture! She’s incredible!” Hange reached into her bag and pulled out a large book, she flipped through the pages until she found the picture she was looking for and slid it over to Levi.

“Fuck’s sake!” Levi groaned, immediately sliding the open book back over to her side of the table. Although he tried his best not to look, his eyes glanced over a large photo of the disgusting body that just barely resembled a human being and was well and truly put off eating any time soon. “This is the third time you’ve done this to me this week! Where do you even find these things?!”

“I heard about it.” Hange shrugged. “Librarian looked grossed out when I asked about it but it was fine.”

“You research some really disturbing things.” Levi sighed, shaking his head at her. “If anyone starts asking questions about what you’re up to and gets suspicious, I will not help defend you.”

“Poor, poor, Levi…” Hange chuckled, leaning over the table. “The things I know about you are too kill for.”

“What things could you possibly know about me? I don’t spend my time researching morbid things like you do.” Levi replied as calmly as possible. He narrowed his eyes at Hange, leaning across the table towards her. “You haven’t been looking through my things though, have you?”

Hange started to grin, lowering her glasses. “Honey, I have seen everything. I will never look at you the same way, let me tell you that. Some advice, though, under the bed? Terrible hiding spot.”

“You found my porn collection?!” Levi gasped, his cheeks turning dark pink with embarrassment. “Damn it, four eyes! You better not tell anyone!”

“I won’t tell a soul.” She mimicked zipping her lips shut. “Unless you cross me, obviously.” She joked, knowing Levi was aware she wouldn’t spill his secrets even if they had a falling out.

“You better not.” He mumbled with a slight smile. Even though Hange could drive him insane at times, he knew he could trust her completely.

While the two exchanged banter back and forth, Erwin and his usual group of jocks entered the cafeteria; always arriving later due to the late morning practice. The blonde made a beeline for Hange with a soft smile and a gentle greeting was exchanged.

“We’re still on for tonight, right?” Erwin asked, knowing not to pay much attention to Levi what with the way he seemed to prefer being quiet around others.

“Totally! After dinner at my place, you know the jist.” Hange smiled.

Erwin nodded and glanced back at his friends who were calling him over, Hange waved at them and they waved back with smiles on their faces.

“Go on, big boy, they need you.” Hange said with an assuring punch to Erwin’s shoulder and the jock made his way back to his usual table with a quick goodbye, getting roped in immediately by the others right away.

Levi had glanced up at Erwin as he came over, or at least he had intended it to be just a quick glance. He knew Hange was actually sociable so random students exchanging pleasantries with her while ignoring his existence wasn’t that uncommon. But for some reason Levi found himself staring at the tall blonde long after he had already returned to his table. “...When the fuck?...” He mumbled quietly, wondering when exactly Hange had managed to befriend someone as popular as Erwin.

“When what?” Hange asked, looking up from her book with half hearted interest.

“When the hell did you become so friendly with Erwin Smith of all people?” Levi asked, his gaze still focused on Erwin and his friends.

“Oh. Our mom’s are best friends since they were kids.” She shrugged. “So we ended up spending a lot of time together growing up. Why? Are you interested in the merchandise?” She wiggled her eyebrows.

“Tch...no! I’m not interested in some dumb jock you just happened play with as a kid.” Levi huffed as he finally managed to tear his eyes away from Erwin.

“He’s single you know?” Hange asked with a smile.

“I don’t give a shit.” Levi sighed. He glanced over at Erwin once more before turning his attention back to Hange. “Is he really though? Not that I care.”

“Mhm. Likes men too.” She replied with a grin. “He seems hard to get so work hard if you want him.”

“He’s not going to be interested in someone like me. What would we have in common? And did you see how he completely ignored me?” Levi replied, sounding far more depressed by the situation than he intended.

“Maybe because when people do try to talk to you your resting bitch face puts them off? We’ve talked about you once or twice before. He thinks you’re… Well put together. Or something like that.” Hange said as she stole some of Levi’s food.

“Put together? What’s that supposed to mean?” Levi asked, tapping his pale fingers against the table impatiently.

“Tidy I guess.” She shrugged. “Do I look like I know about this stuff?”

“You should know more than me. Listen, Hange…” He started, letting out a frustrated groan and tapping his fingers a little harder. He hated himself for even worrying about a guy he had never spoken to, but he knew Hange at least wouldn’t judge him for it. “If you mentioned me then what exactly did he say? Did he mention me first? Or was it you?”

“We were hanging out and he asked who the short guy I always hung around is.” She crossed her legs, resting her chin on her hand. “I told him your name, what you’re like. I was a good wingman for you, he seemed interested. He says he doesn’t approach you much because you look uncomfortable talking to anyone who isn’t me.”

“Well, yeah. That’s mostly because people like him don’t bother to try and talk to me.” Levi replied with obvious resentment in his voice. “Even with your help, I doubt he’ll take any notice of me.”

“Stop sounding like such a quitter, you haven’t even tried!”

“I’m not quitting! I’m not interested in him anyway!” Levi snapped as he stood up suddenly, slamming the book he had been reading shut and shoving it away in his bag. “I’m not discussing this anymore. End of conversation.” Was the last remark he made before leaving Hange alone in the cafeteria with a completely bewildered expression.

 

* * *

 

The next day should have been more or less the same as any other day. Levi had every intention of following his usual routine and hiding away in the library whenever he didn’t have classes. Instead, he somehow found himself heading towards the school’s sports field.

The sports field was somewhere Levi had never even set foot in before. He had no need to since he hated most sports and didn’t know anyone who played them. And yet there he was on the front row, surrounded by students he didn’t know and watching a game of football he didn’t even understand. His eyes found Erwin straight away and he continued to follow the blonde’s every movement as the game went on.

Hange had been cheering their team on from the stands with a plethora of other students, almost drowning out the cheerleaders even. She noticed Levi joining the stands and during a timeout she went down to sit next to him. “For someone who isn't interested, you took a quick liking to sports.” She grinned.

“How do you know I didn’t already like sports? Just because you’ve never seen me here before.” Levi huffed without taking his eyes off Erwin even for a second.

“Right. Cut the shit, I know you’re here for Erwin.” She rolled her eyes. “Just talk to him when it’s over.” She laughed when Erwin glanced at the stands and looked confused, having felt Levi’s eyes on him the whole time. “You’re freaking him out with just staring.”

Levi quickly looked away, a faint blush appearing on his cheeks. “I wasn’t staring...not that much anyway.”

“You stared the whole time I’ve seen you here!” She sighed, adjusting her glasses. “Do I need to bring the wingmanning to the extreme again? You make getting you laid way too difficult.”

“This is all your fault anyway. If you hadn’t started studying with him I’d be blissfully unaware of his existence. Instead I was awake for hours last night trying to imagine what you two said about me. And now I’m watching...whatever the hell this is!” Levi groaned, gesturing angrily towards the field in front of them.

“Were you really just _thinking_ all night?" Hange chuckled. "And how is this my fault? You’re the one weak for hunks. I’ll set you guys up how about that? It won’t be fun if he isn’t pining after you too.”

“Fine. You need to do something about this.” Levi sighed, shaking his head. “This is affecting my work. It’s affecting my sleep. And if I had a social life, it would probably be affecting that as well.”

She hummed. “Well it _is_ his birthday tomorrow but it's not like that you care, right?”

“Is he having a house party?” Levi asked with a frown. “Alright. I guess I’ll go if you’re going. I’ve never really been to any kind of party before though.”

“Loud music, alcohol, drugs maybe… Don’t go in the bedrooms… And a lot of people dancing terribly. Sometimes the cops show up, it’s kinda funny to watch when you’re ten feet away from the situation.”

“That all sounds completely dreadful.” Levi groaned.

“I’m usually just the designated driver.” She shrugged. “It’s entertaining to see a bunch of drunks trying to go about their day too. As the sadist you are, I think you’d enjoy it.”

“I’m not a sadist. I just like watching people fail and make complete asses of themselves.” He replied with a small smirk. “This could end up being fun.”

“See? I love my fucked up midget.” She chuckled, ruffling his hair.

“I love my psychotic four-eyes. Fuck knows why since you’re very annoying.” He mumbled with an affectionate pat to her shoulder.

“That’s as good as it’ll get from you, isn’t it?” She sighed fondly and turned her attention back to the game. “Oh! Look, lover boy is back on the field.”

“What?! Where?!” Levi gasped as he scanned the field for Erwin, failing to notice how some of the people around them were now giving him strange looks.

“Turn the gay down a little.” Hange chuckled. “I think he can sense it from there.” She said as she watched Erwin look back and stumble.

Levi averted his gaze again, holding his head in his hands to hide the dark blush spreading across his face. “Shit...he noticed me. I bet that looked really stupid.”

“Oh it looked stupid as hell. But you’re in luck, he's as much of a dumbass as you.” Hange patted Levi’s back. “Just try to not stare.”

Levi simply nodded in response before turning his attention back to the game. But despite his friend’s advice he was unable to stop himself from staring at Erwin for the entirety of the game.

 

* * *

 

“Your wardrobe is absolutely terrible.” Hange laughed as she looked through all of Levi’s clothes. They agreed that she would assist him in looking good for the party since she was more aware of the dress code and refused to let Levi dress himself for it. Although, so far all she had Levi in were black skinny jeans that were gifted to him when they were too short for her to wear.

“It’s called being practical.” Levi replied as he gazed down at the multitude of tops and shirts Hange had already rejected that were now laid out on the bed. He honestly couldn’t see what was particularly wrong with any of them. “Well, I can’t go like _this_ can I?!” he groaned, gesturing down towards his bare chest.

“Not like Erwin would mind.” She replied as she threw a couple others aside. “... I suppose this one isn’t bad. Can't go wrong with a band t-shirt right?” She turned to him with an accomplished smile.

“Yeah, great. It only took us an hour for you to decide that.” He shot back at her sarcastically while taking the shirt from her.  

“A very interesting hour. I learned a lot about you.” She hummed, placing the clothes in their rightful place.

Levi let out a frustrated sigh, pulling the simple black t-shirt over his head before looking himself up and down in the mirror. “I’m not going to stand out like this. Well, whatever. I’m only going for one person anyway.”

“He’ll notice. You never forget the people who stare intensely at you for hours.”

“It wasn’t my fault I was staring, Erwin was the only interesting thing to look at. Who the hell watches that game for enjoyment?” Levi huffed in response. He was about to pull on the same dark green hoodie he would often wear to classes over his shirt but then thought better of it, holding it out towards Hange instead. “You’re the fashion police here. Is this allowed?”

Hange looked him over with a critical eye. “A splash of color over black never hurt anyone. You're off the pokey this time, Ackerman.”

“Fucking finally!” He sighed dramatically, pulling the hoodie over his shoulders and quickly grabbing his keys. One glance at the clock told him they were already a lot later than they had planned, and as usual he blamed Hange for that.

It didn't take all that long for them to get to Erwin’s house since it wasn't a far far ride. It was extremely clear that a party was going on with all the noise, and the cars parked out front.

“We're fashionably late.” Hange excused as she locked up the car and twirled the keys around her finger and put them in her pocket. “Nothing like making people wait.”

Levi looked up at the incredibly large house in front of them, grimacing slightly. The loud music sounded terrible and there was already various students either pairing up outside to make out or stumbling around, already too drunk to stand up straight. “I hate this already…” He mumbled quietly.

“You’ll be fine.” She patted his back. “Erwin’s gonna be around here somewhere. See if you can make some friends with the other wallflowers hm?”

“So we’re just going to walk around aimlessly looking for Erwin? Great plan. I’m so glad I relied on your expertise.” Levi murmured as they started walking up the driveway.

“No, no. You wait for the big guy to come to you.” Hange replied as she waved at people she knew, but didn’t leave Levi’s side to strike up a conversation.

Levi tried his best to avoid eye contact with the others around them, noticing that everyone seems to keep their distance and wave at Hange from far away. He felt slightly guilty for coming since she probably would have more fun without him there. “If he does come to me, which seems unlikely, then what?”

“You flirt? Listen, I’ve got a game plan that will only require a couple drinks and Erwin will do all the talking.”

“Oh dear god...I never like your game plans.” Levi whined, a sense of dread suddenly washing over him. He was tempted to quickly turn around and rush back out the door to Hange’s car, but froze when he spotted Erwin not far from them. “Fuck, I can’t do this. We’re leaving.” He groaned, tugging on Hange’s sleeve.

“No, no, no.” Hange stood her ground. “You wait here and I’ll go say hi. After that, we’ll see how this plays out.” She didn't bother waiting for a reply before she went over to Erwin, snatching drinks from people who were already wasted and offering it to him. For a while she just kept refilling his cup and Erwin didn't tell her to stop at all, it was his birthday and he was planning on drinking as much as he could.

At some point the blonde spotted Levi and other than a dazed look in his eyes he looked absolutely sober, he waved him over with a soft smile.

Levi gave Erwin a half hearted wave back in response, then slowly and hesitantly made his way over to him. “Hi…” He greeted quietly, giving a disapproving glance towards Hange.

Hange replied with a simple shrug, drinking what was left in her bottle.

“Hey.” Erwin put his hand up against the wall, trapping Levi in a way. “You’re shorter when you’re this close. I thought you were just very far away.”

“Maybe you’re just ridiculously tall.” Levi huffed, folding his arms across his chest and staring up into Erwin’s eyes.

“That. Is a very good point. My mom always said I was a big boy.” Erwin nodded.

“Don’t talk about your mom, Erwin…” Hange whispered, holding back on a fit of laughter.

“Right. Hey, I’m trying to flirt with you is that okay?” Erwin asked Levi, looking at him with genuine drunken concern.

“It’s fine. I’ll let you off since it’s your birthday.” Levi murmured, his cheeks flushing slightly. “But that was terrible. You’ll have to try harder than that.”

“Can't believe you're giving me pity points, Ackerman.” Erwin chuckled. “You know I'm better than that. Otherwise you wouldn't keep those pretty peepers on me all the time.”

Levi’s cheeks flushed even darker with embarrassment. So Erwin had spotted him staring the entire time, and he had no reasonable excuse. “Maybe I was staring because I noticed how attractive you are.” He replied, trying to sound calm and casual about it but his voice wavered slightly.

“Oh. I I wouldn’t be surprised.” Erwin replied, leaning down. “You’re pretty hot. You also look smart. If you hang with Hange you probably are.”

“You actually think I’m hot?” Levi asked in surprise, his eyes widening when he noticed just how close Erwin was. He didn’t even dare glance back over at Hange, their faces only mere inches apart.

“Not like I’m the only one.” Erwin mumbled, glancing from Levi’s eyes to his lips. “Maybe if you were like this more often you’d know.”

Levi’s breath hitched slightly, struggling to think of what to say in response. “Maybe...I would be like this more often if you gave me a reason…” He murmured, a slight smirk gracing his lips.

Without really thinking twice or at all, Erwin closed the space between them, pulling Levi in by the waist and locked their lips in a kiss.

Levi simply froze in place, too shocked by Erwin’s actions to try and kiss back or pull away. That was the first time they shared a kiss together. And although Levi didn’t know it at the time, it definitely wouldn’t be the last kiss they shared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the two of us have written multi-chapter collabs together before, but this is our first collab for Attack On Titan. We really hope you guys enjoy our first branch into this fandom.
> 
> We'll be focusing on both Levi and Eren's life so the focus will change each chapter. If you're interested, in this chapter Levi and Hange are 16 and Erwin is 18 - M


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Links:   
> [This fic's playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/sqgmudtepd6g6kafz7of08ds0/playlist/54JTgZAMhNWfI7wOafsDKJ?si=qqAcMajCR5GLn1FKZSiGDw)
> 
> [A's twitter](https://twitter.com/saegigo)
> 
> [M's twitter](https://twitter.com/MonoVarnham)

 

**June 2014**

 

Every night since Eren had hit puberty had been hell. Countless hours of losing sleep over the questions that kept creeping up on him as soon as he closed his eyes and would call for his attention when he spaced out during the day. He'd always liked girls, Eren was a popular kid ever since he could remember - his eyes seemed to be a favored feature - but it was never something he thought about until he started looking at boys the same way.

He knew a person could be attracted to the same gender but the fact he was drawn to both brought him to inner panics. Eren didn't like not being in control of what was happening with him and that was a reason for bite marks he'd hide with long sleeves no matter the season and if Armin or Mikasa saw he was quick to make up an excuse that they pretended to buy and move on.

He took a while to find the courage to research what was wrong with him but the senior on the football team that he'd been swooning over felt like a good enough reason to find out. What came from finding out about being bisexual was relief, he was more at ease knowing that there were others like him and that he wasn't just going insane. It helped him sleep at night.

Eren kept that information to himself for a couple of weeks but it was at the end of June, after an experience or two that confirmed how he felt, that he gathered his parents as well as Mikasa and Armin in the living room. And it was unusual, raised a couple eyebrows since these reunions were usually _for_ Eren _about_ Eren.

The brunette stood in front of them feeling like a nervous wreck but doing a good job of hiding it, at least physically. “I brought you all here to talk about something serious. N-Nothing bad though. I think. That'd depend on you guys I guess…”

Carla had a soft, encouraging smile on her face as she listened to Eren speak. “It's okay, take your time.”

“Eren, it’s fine. You can tell us anything.” Mikasa added, giving her brother a reassuring smile while Armin nodded in agreement.

Grisha on the other hand wasn’t smiling. Instead he stared at Eren with a rather stern expression, his arms folded across his chest as he waited impatiently for whatever he planned to say.

“Cool! Cool! Great, wonderful, loving this... “ Eren sighed. “This is harder than I thought. Uhm. I like girls. You guys know that, what with Cecilia, Jenny, Amy… And the rest… But I recently came to the solid conclusion I'm also attracted to guys. So I'm standing here. In front of you. To tell you that I'm bisexual?”

When he was first met with silence, Eren’s heart was beating loudly in his ears and he felt like having a breakdown right there with how overwhelming it was becoming.

And that was until Carla spoke up first.

“I was wondering when you were going to say something about it. The way you were around the boy across the street seemed a bit too friendly, son…” She chuckled.

Armin looked momentarily surprised before jumping up from his seat and moving over to Eren’s side to give him a hug. “I’m sorry I didn’t realise before.” he mumbled, feeling rather relieved to hear this news. Armin had already come to the conclusion he was attracted to guys but only guys. But that was a conversation that could wait for another time.

“You should have mentioned it sooner.” Mikasa said as she stood up too, placing a hand on Eren’s shoulder.

Throughout all of this, Grisha remained silent and didn’t move in the slightest, the same stern expression on his face.

Eren felt comforted and mumbled a soft apology for not mentioning it sooner but his heart still felt heavy as he stared at his father waiting for any kind of approval.

Carla nudged him. “He's your son, say something, honey…” She whispered to him.

Grisha let out a frustrated sigh before he finally spoke. “So what are you trying to tell me? You think you might be gay, or you haven’t worked that out yet?”

“No, that's not what I said… I meant that I like both men and women. I'm not split between a choice.” Eren replied with a slight frown.

“I’m sure it’s just a phase. You’re still young so you’ll work it out when you grow up a bit.” Grisha replied.

“Grisha...” Carla said with an exasperated sigh.

“It's not a phase!” Eren groaned.

“It’s okay, Eren.” Mikasa spoke calmly, turning to give Grisha a slight glare. “It’s not a phase, like Eren says. It is possible to be attracted to both.”

Grisha completely ignored Mikasa’s words and instead turned to face Carla. “He’s still a child. He can’t possibly know this for sure when he’s only fourteen.”

"Even if it is a phase and he is confused, if he eventually realizes it's nothing, we should still be supportive. He is our son, if he believes he likes both then let him be.”

“If I _believe_ I like both? Seriously? Mom, not you too!”

“Eren, at times it really is just a phase.” She replied. “Keep that in mind as well.”

Eren turned to Grisha, clenching and unclenching his fists nervously. “Why don't you ever listen to me? You always second guess what I say and drag mom right with you! I know how I feel, not you!” He said, tone escalating in volume.

“Eren, do not yell at your father!” Carla reprimanded.

Grisha suddenly stood up from his chair, slamming his hand down on the table in front of him loud enough to make Armin jump nervously. “If that’s all you had to say, then that’s that. No need to discuss it further.” he said firmly before turning to walk out of the room. He paused in the doorway, not even bothering to turn back and look his son in the eye. “You have a lot of growing up to do.” Was the last thing he said before the door was slammed behind him.

“Whatever… I don't need you guys anyway!” Eren said as he stormed off to his bedroom, slamming the door hard enough to make picture frames rattle.

“Eren…” Carla sighed.

“I’ll try and talk to him Mrs Jaeger.” Armin said softly with an apologetic look. They were all fairly used to Eren’s sudden angry outbursts, especially when it came to his dad. But it was usually only Armin he knew just what to say to calm him down.

Armin made his way up the stairs and stopped outside Eren’s bedroom, hesitating for a few moments. “Eren...it’s me. Can I come in please?” He called through the door.

“No.” Eren huffed, a thud coming from inside the room where he kicked the bedside table.

“Please Eren...it’s just me, okay? And you know I don’t have a problem with it.” Armin sighed.

“...” Eren unlocked the door and stepped away, sitting on the bed with his knees up to his chest as he frowned at the floor.

Armin let himself into the room and locked the bedroom door behind him so they wouldn’t be disturbed. Things would only become much worse if Grisha suddenly decided he wasn’t finished arguing. “I think that was really brave, you know. It must have been hard.”

“It fucking sucked.” He mumbled, not bothering to look up at him. “Shoulda been quiet.”

“It wasn’t that bad. Me and Mikasa understand, and your mom does too. I think your dad is just shocked right now but he’ll be okay with it soon.” Armin replied, trying to sound confident although he wasn’t sure if Grisha really would accept it any time soon. He moved over to the bed and sat beside Eren, pulling his knees up in the same way. It was an odd habit he had adopted over the years. Whenever Eren was stressed, he would often sit beside him in the same position so his friend didn’t feel so alone.

“You know that's bullshit, ‘Min… For all I know he'll drag mom with him or some stupid crap like he always does. Should've told you and Mikasa and left it at that.” Eren sighed, proceeding to hide his face between his knees.

“I’m just trying to be optimistic. You don’t know for sure he’s gonna do that.” Armin mumbled nervously.

“I do. He's so damn predictable! Honestly, I'm surprised he hasn't beaten my ass yet.” Eren chuckled bitterly.

Armin sighed, shuffling a little closer and leaning his head against Eren’s shoulder. “He won’t go that far. But if he ever did, you know you could always come and stay with me.”

“He knows where you live.” Eren replied. “Remember when I tried to sneak out and live with you and he dragged me out? Picture that but worse because we're not eight years old.”

Armin grimaced slightly, remembering the night he had heard Grisha shouting and swearing furiously while he and Eren had hidden under the covers before Eren was inevitably dragged back home. “Hey Eren...um, I actually have something I want to tell you too. I don’t know if this will help or not though.”

Eren sighed, letting go of his knees and sitting with his legs crossed instead. “Shoot.”

“You know you said you also like guys? Well the thing is...um…” Armin murmured nervously, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink. “I kind of realised a while ago, I don’t really like girls at all. But I do like guys.”

“Oh.” His eyes widened. “How did you find that out?”

“I started getting a crush on...someone.” Armin squeaked, hoping Eren wouldn’t ask who it was.

“On?” Eren raised an eyebrow expectantly.

“If I tell you, don’t tell him or anyone else okay?” Armin sighed. “But it’s...Jean.”

“... Who hurt you, Armin?”

“Eren! He’s not that bad, okay? I know you guys don’t get along and argue a lot of the time. But I think he’s actually sweet sometimes, and he looks so cute when he’s concentrating on his drawings.” Armin rambled, his cheeks gradually turning redder as he went on.

“Literally _anyone_ else but Jean would do. What about Marco? He's nice. Or Connie? He's also cool. But no. It was JEAN.” Eren emphasized, throwing his hands up in the air as he fell back on the bed. “He's a dick. Like. All the time.”

“I don’t know why exactly. I guess Marco is cute too, but I just think Jean is really hot. And he can be nice and sensitive sometimes when it counts. Those moments where he shows how much he cares about his friends are just so...I don’t know but, yeah. I realised because I like Jean a lot.” Armin replied, giggling softly at Eren’s over the top reaction.

“Marco’s hot when he wants to be. It's like you haven't seen his bubble butt. Jean is....” Eren winced. “Jean. Whatever, do what you want. It's your dick anyway.”

“Eren! I...I didn’t say I wanted to...do _that!”_ Armin squealed. “It doesn’t matter anyway. Jean seems to really like Mikasa so I guess he’s straight.”

“I dunno. Every he breathes I hear a whisper of “but no homo, bro" in the wind. Probably a Repressed Gay.” Eren shrugged. “Mikasa doesn't want him anyway. Because she has standards.”

“Actually now that you mention it, him and Marco seem pretty close but I guess they’re just really good friends.” Armin mumbled thoughtfully.

“Marco’s face screams he likes guys.” Eren hummed. “Plus he's pretty obvious when he's watching the jocks. I think that guy isn't who we think he is y'know?”

“If he did, I’d probably feel a bit better. Do you think maybe...we should come out to our friends together?” Armin asked.

“They'll think we're dating or something.” Eren replied.

“Not if we explain it to them.” Armin said in a determined voice, grabbing Eren’s hand without thinking. His eyes widened slightly at the sight. There was definitely a lot more bite marks since the last time he had seen, and they seemed deeper too. “Eren…” he whimpered.

Eren quickly snatched his hand away like Armin had burned him. “It'd be easier for both of us to come out at once then.” He said, desperately wanting to switch subject.

“Uh...y-yeah...I guess.” Armin sighed. “Listen, your hand looks even worse. They look like bite marks. You don’t have to deal with stuff on your own, you know? You can always talk to me.”

“My hand’s fine. Just fooling around with dogs.” Eren mumbled. “You know how it is.”

Armin simply nodded, pulling Eren closer for a tight hug and resting his chin on his shoulder. He knew the real reason Eren was covered in bite marks, but decided to drop the subject for now at least. “Yeah, I know how it is.”

 

* * *

 

After the falling out with Grisha, the silent treatment was put into play and that just made Eren want to spend as much time outside as he could even though it was scorching hot.

He ended up agreeing with Armin’s idea to come out to their friends although it still made him nervous, especially with the mess it'd been back home after the matter.

Armin gave Eren a reassuring pat on the back as they sat with their friends, idly hanging out by the side of a lake in a desperate attempt to cool off. The conversation had gone quiet, most of the group feeling far too hot to do anything. “Hey guys, so uh...me and Eren have something we want to tell you all.” he announced suddenly, grabbing everyone’s attention.

“Oof can't be good, what's he done this time?” Connie chuckled.

“I haven't done anything, Springer.” Eren huffed, kicking water over to him, eliciting a grin.

“I'm sure it's nothing bad...” Marco said, eyes closed as he lay on the grass, freckles more prominent around that time of year.

“It’s not bad or anything. It’s just that I’ve realised I’m gay and only like guys. And Eren is bisexual so he likes both. Since you’re our friends, we wanted to come out to you.” Armin explained as confidently as possible.

Before anyone else had a chance to respond, Jean titled his head to the side letting out a loud “Huuuuh?!”

“Rad.” Connie nodded. “D’nno what the big deal is.”

“S’cool with me.” Sasha mumbled between bites of her sandwich, giving Eren a brief thumbs up.

“You got a problem, jackass?” Eren groaned at Jean.

“What? Yeah, okay...it’s cool with me I guess. Like I get Armin likes dudes. But wait...so, what’s the deal with you Jaeger? You can’t decide?” Jean asked, looking incredibly confused.

Marco moved for the first time in a while to shush Eren with his finger before he could speak. “I don't think that's the case, Jean. Eren just likes both. It's not very complicated.”

“You can like both? Is that a thing? Also like...at the same time? That sounds so weird.” Jean replied, earning a slight frustrated sigh from Armin.

“Edgin’ on the being a dick line, bro.” Connie said as he skipped a rock across the lake a couple times.

“It's not weird so much as it's something people aren't very open about. It's just a thing and it's how Eren feels, move on.” Marco shrugged, lowering his sunglasses when the sun was too much.

“Yeah, okay. Wait, I got one more question though. Does he like switch between the two? Or does he like both at the same time all the time?” Jean mumbled quietly to Marco, but he failed to stop the others from hearing him.

“Both at the same time all the time. Like if he was with a girl he’d still be attracted to guys and vice-versa.” Marco replied.

“I’m sort of regretting this now, but it’s fine. It’s fine.” Armin sighed.

“Can't believe you wanna get in his pants.” Eren said quietly.

Armin didn’t say anything in response but simply shuffled a little closer to Eren, letting out another sigh. The conversation had suddenly become very awkward, mostly due to Jean’s reactions.

Jean glanced over at them and noticed Armin looking uncomfortable, a sharp pang of guilt hitting him. “Hey Armin, I’m sorry dude. I’m totally okay with it and everything, yeah?”

“You should’ve said that earlier, jackass.” Eren groaned. “You made it awkward.”

“I said it was fine! You’re the jackass. I don’t care what you are, to me you’re still a dick.” Jean huffed.

“Wow, you really cut me deep, Kirstein.” Eren placed his hand over his chest. “It hurts that your insults are always the same.”

“I swear you will be hurting in a minute because I’ll knock you on your ass.” Jean retorted as he stood up, throwing his arms out as if he was challenging Eren to a fight. Their friends simply groaned and rolled their eyes in response since this was a very common occurrence.

Eren stood up as well and gave Jean a rough shove. “Come at me then. Or are you all bark and no bite?” He smirked.

Jean stumbled back slightly before regaining his balance, a determined look on his face. “Count me in. If you wanna go, let’s go!” he snapped, grabbing Eren’s shirt collar roughly between his hands.

“Oi, careful with that. Oughta be more expensive than your shitty haircut.” Eren groaned, attempting to shove him off.

Connie turned to watch them, glancing at Sasha. “Are we starting the betting pool again?” He asked quietly.

“We should. My bets are on Eren this time. I think he’s learned a few moves from Mikasa.” Sasha whispered with a gleeful smile.

“Oh shut the hell up! My haircut is better than yours.” Jean replied as he gripped on to Eren’s shirt even tighter, causing the fabric to rip.

“Fuck’s sake!” Eren shoved Jean off. “It's two colors! Pick a side right?!”

“That’s rich coming from you! You can’t decide whether you want dudes or chicks the most!” Jean shouted.

“Both of you stop!” Armin suddenly screamed at them, standing up and attempting to push them both away from each other. “You’re supposed to be friends, right? So stop fighting about nothing every time you see each other.”

“We're not friends. We just hang out because you guys are our friends.” Eren grumbled, crossing his arms.

“You're both idiots. If you hang out because of us then don't make it unpleasant.” Marco sighed.

“Aw c’mon...he totally started it this time. You’re not mad at me, right?” Jean groaned, heading back over to Marco’s side.

“It's okay, Jean, it's not worth getting mad about because it happens so often.” Marco smiled.

“Oof.” Connie chuckled.

“He’s got a point there, ya know?” Sasha giggled.

“But it happens because of Jaeger!” Jean whined, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration. “Ugh, fine whatever. You guys suck sometimes.”

“Better sometimes than all the ti- Hey!” Eren rubbed the side of his head where Connie had thrown an empty soda can at him.

“Start again with Jeanie boy and you're done, Eren.” He said, turning back to the lake.

“Whatever.” Eren sighed.

“It’s fine, it’s whatever.” Jean shrugged before turning to give Armin an apologetic look. “So yeah, sorry about that Armin.”

Armin’s cheeks suddenly flushed pink, surprised at the sudden apology. “Ehh? Uh, it’s fine! I wasn’t that upset or anything!” He squeaked. If Jean noticed how flustered he was he didn’t bother mentioning it.

Connie grinned at Armin with a knowing look, holding his hand out to Sasha waiting for money of a years old bet.

Sasha pulled a childish pout as she handed over the money to Connie. “Aw, no fair. I was sure out of anyone it would be Eren he’d have a crush on.” She mumbled quietly.

“Oh please, Jean breathes and Armin.exe stops working.” Connie chuckled. “I think he just cares about Eren a lot.”

“Hmm, I guess so. I think they’d be cute together though. I ship it.” Sasha smiled, staring up at Eren and Armin thoughtfully.

Connie shrugged. “Whatever happens happens. Just want Armin to get a nice guy if he wants anyone at all.”

“Mmhm. Me too.” Sasha agreed, flinching suddenly as Armin looked over at them both with a quizzical look.

“What are you two whispering about?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
“Uh, nothing important! Just um, you know...food?” Sasha replied with a nervous laugh.

Marco chuckled, hand over his mouth.

“We weren't talking about and Eren?” Connie said.

“Hey, why am I being dragged into this now?”

Jean opened his mouth to say something sarcastic in response but Armin quickly cut him off, gently tugging on Eren’s arm. “Anyway, thanks for all of you being understanding. Me and Eren should probably start heading home now though.”

“Fine…” Eren sighed, getting up and grabbing his backpack.

“But he has food!” Connie whined.

“Shut up, Springer.” Eren rolled his eyes and lightly shoved him out of the way. “See you guys.”

There was a collective goodbye and on the way back home, Eren sighed at the ripped shirt. It really had been expensive and he knew that unless he hid it or had it fixed, his father would give him far worse than an earful about being wasteful and about him being a fuck-up always getting in fights. Probably hear another speech on how he should be more like Mikasa while he got a slap across the face. He was dreading it the whole way home, every time he was on his way back he'd fear the possibility that his other ruined clothes had been found and the new addition to the pile didn’t make it better.

Armin easily noticed the way Eren seemed to tense up once they were outside the Jaeger household, taking far too long to say a final goodbye and walk up the driveway. He briefly considered offering to let Eren stay over since his grandfather’s home wasn’t too far away, but then thought better of it. An unplanned sleepover would only make things worse between Eren and his father. “So...I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Right! Tomorrow, we're going back to the lake right?” Eren said, fidgeting as he tried to continue the stalling.

“Mmhm, we are.” Armin nodded in agreement, glancing over at the house then back to Eren. “You know, I’m sure your dad is over it now. It will be fine.”

“Right… Probably.” Eren sighed, giving Armin a light smack on the arm. “See ya tomorrow.”

“Yeah, see ya tomorrow.” Armin replied with a bright smile, pulling Eren in for a quick hug before he headed back down the driveway.

Eren took a deep breath and went inside, careful to tiptoe and be quiet on his way upstairs. He locked the door to his bedroom and huddled up on the corner of the bed, biting his hand as he reminded himself that the fear he had of his father would only get worse unless he changed himself entirely. He knew for a fact he wasn't straight and that wouldn't change. As he got older, it would only get worse and that made him sick to his to his stomach. At least he was thankful for his mother who at least was more subtle when she said he could be better. By the time he was snapped out of his thoughts, his hand was dripping blood onto his shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're really enjoying writing this fic and I really hope you guys are enjoying what we're putting out as well?
> 
> I hope you guys read the tags because I don't wanna be responsible for triggering someone,,,
> 
> \- A


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Links:   
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> [A's twitter](https://twitter.com/saegigo)
> 
> [M's twitter](https://twitter.com/MonoVarnham)

**October 1998**

 

The day after Erwin’s party started with Levi waking up far earlier than usual. He had struggled to get any sleep at all, the events from the party playing over and over in his mind but he was determined to carry on with his usual routine like nothing had happened.

Levi got dressed and ready for school, hiding the scribbled down the number from Erwin he had left on his desk the night before in his bag, then headed downstairs and quickly walking past his Uncle Kenny without a word. The man was probably drunk or hungover as always.

As Levi walked on his own towards school, he decided he was just going to give up on his crush. He had hated almost every minute of the party, surrounded by drunk students he had nothing in common with before finally dragging Hange away and leaving early. Even if Erwin had kissed him, the guy had been drunk so it was unlikely anything would have changed between them. At least that’s what Levi was trying to tell himself as he approached the school gate where Erwin was waiting. “Well fuck…” Levi mumbled under his breath.

Erwin perked up and waved Levi over when he saw him. The blonde looked exhausted and the sunglasses were a clear enough way of evidencing his hangover.

Levi forced himself to smile as he approached, giving Erwin a halfhearted wave. “Morning...you waiting for your jock friends?”

“No, I've been waiting for you actually.” Erwin adjusted his backpack over his shoulder. “I don't remember much about last night.”

“Of course you don’t.” Levi sighed, rolling his eyes at him. “Hange dragged me to your party. You got drunk. We exchanged numbers. I went home.”

“And we kissed, right?” Erwin asked in a hushed tone.

“You kissed me!” Levi huffed, his cheeks suddenly flushing pink.

“Right…” Erwin paused to gather his thoughts. “I don't know if you're into guys or something or, if you are, don't know if you're into me. So I'm sorry I did it when I was drunk, I planned on being sober for it. Hange’s just… Hange.”

“Well yes, Hange. I am into guys but you-” Levi started, his eyes widening when he realized what the blonde had said. “Wait...you planned on being sober for it? You were going to kiss me anyway?”

“Well, something like that. I'd only kiss you if you had let me. But I wasn't thinking so I just did it.” Erwin replied. “And it was rude of me to do that. I was planning on at least asking you out.”

“Asking me out?! Are you serious?!” Levi gasped loudly, earning a few stares from several other students walking by them.

“Be quiet, not everyone needs to hear about it.” Erwin sighed. “But yeah, I'm serious.”

Levi stared down at the floor, nervously fiddling with his jacket and shifting from one foot to the other. “Well...you could ask me now. Not that you even know me that well.”

“Isn't that what dates are for?” Erwin chuckled, leaning down to get in Levi’s field of vision. “Will you go out with me or not?”

“Yes…” Levi breathed out, his face turning red as he stared into Erwin’s eyes.

Erwin smiled. “I'll call you later to sort out details, I have early practice now.”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll see you later.” Levi replied. It was taking all of his willpower to act normal and not flip out right there, and he hoped Erwin didn’t notice.

Erwin started to grin, covering his mouth on the way to the field and for a while, his headache was an afterthought.

As soon as Erwin was out of sight, Levi quickly rushed towards the library with one thought in mind. He had never been on a proper date before, certainly not with anyone as attractive as Erwin so he sure as hell wasn’t going to try and deal with this on his own. But if he was lucky enough Hange would already be in the library researching whatever weird thing had caught her attention that week.

Levi skidded to a halt in one of the many aisles of books when he finally spotted her. “Hange!” he shouted hysterically as if the world itself was ending. “Hange! Hange! Hange!”

Hange jumped in her seat, being ripped away from her book all of the sudden. “This is a library!” She whispered. “Tone it down.”

“Erwin kissed me yesterday but he was drunk because of you so I wasn’t going to do anything about it, but then he’s waiting for me outside school this morning and says he wanted to kiss me anyway and then he asked me out and he’s gonna call me later so what do I do because this is all your fault!” Levi rambled all at once, barely stopping for breath.

Hange chuckled. “First thing you're going to do is calm down. He asked you out?”

“Yes, he asked me out. I just said that didn’t I? Are your ears not working this morning?” Levi huffed impatiently.

“Fine, fine. Where would you wanna go with him?”

Levi frowned back at her, struggling to think of anything. “Where?...I don’t know. I sort of had a thing with this one guy Furlan when I was younger but this will be my first actual date.”

“Hm… Rollerblading is good for dates.” Hange replied. “You either have to hold on to each other or you can show off. But. Knowing Erwin, I don't think he'd wanna be public about it… So maybe something small. Like maybe a walk or something.”

“A walk? That’s the best you’ve got?” Levi groaned, flopping down in the chair beside Hange and laying his head on the table. “And of course he wouldn’t want to be public about it since it’s me.”

“He doesn't want to be public because he doesn't your asses beaten to death, Levi.” Hange groaned.

“Tch...I could beat the shit out of anyone who gave us trouble. You know I could.” Levi huffed, rolling his eyes at her.

“If I was on a date I wouldn't really like the chance of someone getting in a fight anyway.” She sighed. “I don't know… You could go out to a club if you want to but that's not your thing…” She leaned back on her chair. “You could try the aquarium? It's pretty romantic.”

“The aquarium? What the fuck is romantic about fish?” Levi mumbled. “This is so depressing. I finally get a date with someone I like, and we can’t do shit because of what other people might think. I don’t know how Erwin deals with this crap.”

“I mean the atmosphere is romantic.” Hange sighed. “He deals with it by almost exclusively dating girls, consider yourself special I guess.”

“So he’s making a special exception for me?” Levi asked, lifting his head up from the desk and staring at Hange with a bewildered look. “I guess...the aquarium is fine then. I honestly don’t care where we go.”

“Gross, you're already being sappy and you're not even official yet.”

“That wasn’t that sappy. I’m just saying it’s a date with Erwin, so I don’t give a shit where we are as long as he’s there.” Levi replied, glancing away from her. “But I swear if you ever tell anyone including Erwin that I said that, this friendship is done.”

“Aw, it's cute that you think you can get rid of me so easily.” Hange grinned.

“Well I can’t get rid of you yet since you’re helping me and I’m hopeless at this stuff. Guess I’m stuck being your friend for at least a few more years.” Levi smirked.

“The true tragedy.” Hange chuckled, closing her book and putting it back in her bag. “Get your ass up, class starts in a minute.”

“Fucks sake. You had to go and ruin my good mood.” Levi sighed as he stood up, pulling his bag back over his shoulder.

“Won't be the last time you say that.” She hummed as she got her bag and led the way out.

Levi let out a long exhale as he followed her to class, but despite how irritable and moody he looked outwardly, he was in a positive mood. He resigned himself to the fact he wasn’t going to get any work done that day since he would be far too distracted. Until he finally got his date with Erwin, he knew the blonde was going to be only thing on his mind.

 

* * *

 

 

On their way home after class, Hange told Erwin to take Levi to the aquarium. She explained that the lights were dim and the chances of guests paying attention to others who aren't their companions or the creatures was less likely so they had privacy and could go on a regular date without needing to hide out somewhere.

Erwin liked the offer and they said their goodbyes as they walked up opposite driveways and went about their business; Hange burying her face in the material from earlier in the morning and Erwin sort of fretting about what to wear and about when it'd be acceptable to even call about the day.

The blonde went for a quick shower after giving his mom a quick debrief of his day and a kiss on the cheek. During his shower, he replaced the time he would otherwise spend thinking of better game tactics with mixing and matching his clothes in his head until he found something that pleased him.

He spent a while laying around in just a towel around his waist, staring at Levi’s number in his hand until he finally decided to call, staring up at the ceiling with his free hand resting on his stomach, tapping as he waited.

Levi answered the call almost immediately, knowing it would most likely be Erwin since the only person who ever normally called him was Hange. He cursed quietly at his own eagerness before taking a deep breath to compose himself. “Hello?...”

“Hey…” Erwin replied, heart starting to race. “So… The date is still on right?”

“You mean since you asked me just this morning? Yes, obviously.” Levi huffed.

“Just checking…” He chuckled softly. “So I was thinking we could go to the aquarium, I could pick you up if you need a ride.”

Levi briefly considered taking Erwin up on his offer but quickly dismissed it when he imagined how disastrous it would be if his Uncle Kenny was there at the time. Even if he somehow managed to get the man out of the house, he didn’t really want Erwin seeing the rough run down area they lived in. “No, it’s fine...I’ll come and meet you.”

“We'll meet at the aquarium then… I'll pay for tickets and all so don't worry about any of that. You just need to look pretty, I've noticed it's not hard for you.” Erwin chuckled.

Levi blushed at the sudden compliment, letting out a surprised gasp and knocking the cup he had next to him over. “Ah, fuck….my tea’s gone everywhere.” he murmured, hoping Erwin didn’t hear him. “Alright, sounds good. You too...you know? It’s easy for you too. Or whatever.”

“Oh. Yeah, I know.” Erwin hummed, sitting up on the bed. “Try not to get yourself killed before tonight, yeah?”

“Oh shush, you smug bastard. I wouldn’t die before our date.” Levi groaned.

“Dunno. Spilled a bunch of tea just because I stated a fact, imagine if I said something lewd.”

“Hm...bet you wouldn’t.” Levi chuckled before taking a sip of the small amount of tea he had managed not to spill.

“So if I said I'm only wearing a towel you would be totally fine.”

Levi’s cheeks flushed bright pink as he choked on his tea, images of Erwin dripping wet and almost naked flooding his mind. He only managed to offer a few sputtering noises as a reply, no longer able to think coherently.

“I'll take that as a no.” Erwin chuckled. “It's a nice sight though, I agree.”

“Is this a normal thing for you? Calling people up while naked and taking pleasure in telling them that?” Levi asked.

“Are you asking if I have ever masturbated while in a phone call?”

“What?! No! That’s not what I meant! You think I’m offering that?!” Levi practically squawked back at him, almost dropping the phone in the process.

“I didn't think you were offering, but the way you worded that seemed a little perverted.” Erwin felt himself start to grin. “I think it's too soon for you to be offering though.”

“You’ll have to work hard before I offer anything like that. You don’t get a free pass just because you’re incredibly handsome.” Levi replied, blushing slightly as he attempted to flirt.

“So you're saying that if I made a move on you I wouldn't get a free pass? From the way you stare at me I feel like that's a lie.”

“Listen, just because I like looking at you doesn’t mean-” Levi started but stopped suddenly, a loud crashing noise echoing in the background. “Fucks sake…” he huffed under his breath.

“Oi! Did you move my beer, you little shit?!” a gruff voice called out off in the distance loud enough for Erwin to hear.

“Who is that?” Erwin asked, frowning in concern.

“Uh, no one...I better go though. Just quickly tell me what time you want to meet me?” Levi asked, his voice suddenly sounding nervous.

“At eight outside the aquarium?”

“Alright, see you at eight. Bye.” Levi mumbled quickly, another crash in the background being heard just before he hung up.

 

* * *

 

Erwin was still concerned about who was shouting at Levi but kept a straight face as he waited patiently outside the building.

Ten minutes had already passed after the time they agreed to meet before Levi finally arrived, easily spotting Erwin and rushing over to him. “Sorry...stuff happened.” he huffed, slightly out of breath from having to run there.

“It's okay, we have all night.” Erwin smiled a little. “You ran here? I really could've given you a ride.”

“It’s fine. I said I could make my own way here.” Levi replied, returning the smile. “So...shall we go inside?”

“Yeah, I paid for entry already so we can just walk right through.” Erwin replied, holding the door open for Levi.

Levi shook his head as he walked through the open door, a slight blush on his cheeks. “Wow, such a gentleman. I guess you really are trying hard.”

“I'm giving you what you deserve.” Erwin offered his arm when it was too dark to make out a face so the attention would be on the creatures instead.

“You don’t know me all that well.” Levi mumbled, linking arms with Erwin and focusing his gaze on the various fish swimming behind the glass in front of them. It was a rather intimate position they were now in, but he hoped since it was dark none of the other visitors would notice.

“But I believe everyone deserves respect and good manners aren't something to forget. Especially on a date.”

“What would you say if I told you this is my first actual date?” Levi asked suddenly.

“I'd say I'm glad you chose me as your first.” Erwin smiled.

“You’re the only person who has asked me out. But if I was gonna have a first date with anyone, I’m glad it’s you.”

“Has to be your constant frowning that did that.”

“I’m not frowning right now.” Levi replied, glancing up at Erwin but struggling to make out his face in the dim lights. “By the way, I want to ask you something.” he added, lightly tugging on the blonde’s arm to get his full attention.

Erwin turned away from the the large tank to look down at Levi. “Sure, shoot.”

“Have you been drinking at all today?” Levi asked, a faint smirk appearing on his lips.

“Only water?” Erwin replied, looking a bit confused, squinting to try to see Levi better.

“Good...that means this time you can kiss me properly and you’ll actually remember.”

He chuckled. “I swear I'm a better kisser when I'm sober.”

“You better be. I’ve got high hopes for this.” Levi said as he laced their fingers together and headed to the next tank. There were a few other people walking around but Levi was willing to take the risk. If this was going to be his first date, he wanted it to be as romantic as possible.

“That'd make believe you're an expert, if I were you I'd tone it down.” Erwin teased.

“Hardly an expert since I’ve only ever kissed one guy.” Levi huffed without thinking, immediately regretting it. “I mean... you...you didn’t just hear that.”

“Mm.. It seems I'm going to be your first everything.” He grinned. “You're in for a ride, Levi.”

 _In for a ride?_ Levi wandered, his thoughts suddenly straying into rather perverted territory. His breath hitched slightly at just the idea and he tightened his grip on Erwin’s hand. “Well...not my first kiss. But my first...uh, just shut up!” he groaned.

“Right, right, I'm sure you're popular among the guys.” Erwin chuckled.

“I wish.” Levi murmured quietly, hoping Erwin didn’t hear him. He kept a firm hold of Erwin’s hand as they walked around, even when there were people fairly close to them but the blonde didn’t seem too concerned either. There was no denying there was a lot of beautiful sea creatures on display, but Levi had never been particularly interested in marine life. For the majority of their date he kept stealing glances up at Erwin, squinting in the dim light to try and see his face again.

It wasn’t until they reached the seal area outside that Levi was able to properly see again. He looked around the outside of the large pool, noticing there was no one else around. “Well this is quiet, huh?” he mumbled.

Erwin nodded. “I'm glad it is. Could barely hear you in there, and it'd be a bother for the animals as well.”

“Yeah.” Levi replied with a shrug, before raising his eyebrow at the taller man’s words. “What would be a bother?”

“Loud noises. They seem relaxed, people being loud out here would disturb them.”

“I can’t believe we’re on a date and that’s what you’re thinking about.” Levi sighed, rolling his eyes at him.

“What? They're precious beings and I think they deserve peace and quiet.” Erwin shrugged. “If we can't be as calm then we should let those who can, relax.”

“Hmm...I didn’t think that was something you jocks particularly cared about.” Levi mumbled.

“They're nice people, y’know? They just think being an asshole is funny for some reason.” He shrugged.

“They seem like actual assholes to me. Not you though.” Levi replied, blushing as he stared up at Erwin. “I like you a lot. And that’s a real compliment coming from me since I don’t like many people.”

“Well I'm flattered.” Erwin chuckled. “Although you're very obvious about it.” He sat down on a nearby bench, patting the spot next to him for Levi to sit down.

“I’m trying not to be but you make it hard.” Levi sighed, nervously sitting down in the spot next to Erwin.

“If I'm too handsome, it's my mom you gotta complain to.” Erwin wrapped his arm around Levi’s waist to hold him closer.

Levi allowed himself to be pulled close, resting one hand nervously on the blonde’s shoulder and the other on his chest. His blush darkened as he realised just how close they were, only this time he couldn’t blame Hange or alcohol. Erwin was close to him because he wanted to be. “Wasn’t complaining…” Levi breathed out nervously.

Erwin placed his finger under Levi’s jaw so they could face each other properly as he went in for a proper kiss.

Levi closed his eyes and leaned forward to close the gap between them, hesitantly attempting to kiss back without embarrassing himself too much.

The blonde broke the kiss when he figured it was beginning to be too much for a public place. “Was that better?” He chuckled as he brushed Levi’s hair out of his eyes.

Levi stared back at him with wide eyes, his face flushed dark red and his mouth hanging open as he struggled to respond. “Y-yeah…”

“You alright?” He grinned. “Did I, Erwin Smith, make _the_ Levi Ackerman speechless?”

“It’s not my fault you’re such a good kisser.” Levi huffed.

“My, my, I'm getting a lot of compliments out of you today.”

“You’ll get even more if you go out with me again.” Levi replied, leaning in closer again. “Actually...Erwin, what are we now? I mean, are you still going to date other people? Or am I your boyfriend now?”

“I don't know, do you think you want a boyfriend? It's a big commitment y’know?”

“Of course I want one! I didn’t go on this date just to kill some time.” Levi sighed, pulling away with a frown and folding his arms across his chest. “If you don’t want to then just say it.”

“Of course I want to, we're both risking a lot here, I wouldn't just be playing around, Levi.” Erwin replied. “Does it look like I don't want this?”

“I don’t know...I want you to actually want to do this, because to me this is worth the risk. I don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks.” Levi said in a serious tone.

“You're the second guy I've ever been with… I really do wanna make this work.”

“Yeah, so do I. I really want to be with you properly, so I’m serious if you are.”

He nodded, placing his hand over Levi’s. “I'm serious.”

Levi simply nodded back, leaning forward again and placing a soft kiss on Erwin’s lips. He then rested his head on the blonde’s shoulder, enjoying the moment. Even if nothing else was working out well in Levi’s life, he felt grateful to have someone like Erwin.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the third chapter, and we are both really loving writing this. It is so much fun to write so I hope it's fun to read as well. You'd think we wouldn't need to do much research for this but we're both the kind of person who has to google "What do couples usually do for first dates?" lol - M


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Links:   
> [This fic's playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/sqgmudtepd6g6kafz7of08ds0/playlist/54JTgZAMhNWfI7wOafsDKJ?si=qqAcMajCR5GLn1FKZSiGDw)
> 
> [A's twitter](https://twitter.com/saegigo)
> 
> [M's twitter](https://twitter.com/MonoVarnham)

**February 2016**

 

Eren spent most of his evening making different attempts at many outfits, feeling giddy and excited. He hoped that this time it'd work out for the better, all the past failures had been taking a toll on him.

Was he not handsome enough? Not smart enough? Not funny enough? Maybe he simply wasn't enough at all.

He paused and sighed as he put his jacket on. Someone would have to take him at some point. And maybe this guy would be the one to do it. He really couldn't take another heartbreak.

Eren checked himself in the mirror once, twice, three times for good measure. When he felt satisfied with his appearance, he went downstairs and grabbed his phone as well as his house keys, not giving much thought to anything else as his mind wandered about the date.

Mikasa was already waiting at the bottom of the stairs, wanting to quickly quiz him before he had a chance to leave. “Eren, you look really nice. This date though...who are they? How did you meet? Have they been nice to you?” She asked with a concerned look.

“Remember the pitcher from the team? Vice captain?”

“Mmhm. I didn’t know you two were that close.” Mikasa replied.

“I figured he slapped my ass too much to be straight.” Eren chuckled.

Mikasa frowned and folded her arms across her chest, clearly unimpressed. “Don’t let him treat you badly Eren. That’s not the normal way to ask someone out on a date. And don’t you let him pressure you into anything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Eren rolled his eyes fondly. “Be safe, have fun, kick his ass if I have to, etc, etc.” He smiled a little. “You worry too much, I'll be fine.”

“I just care about you and don’t want my brother getting hurt again.” Mikasa sighed, placing her hands on Eren’s shoulders. “If he hurts you or does anything bad, just tell me and I’ll make sure he regrets it.”

"I'll give you updates, no worries.”

“Okay. I hope this guy has something nice planned for you both.” Mikasa said just as Grisha was walking past. He paused momentarily in the hallway, giving Eren a harsh glare.

“I hope you grow out of this stupid phase soon.” He remarked harshly.

Eren’s heart ached at that but he took a deep breath and brushed it off. “I'm going now. On a date.” He said as he walked out. “WITH A MAN.” He shouted once he was outside.

Mikasa let out a frustrated sigh and gave Grisha a brief glare before heading upstairs to get some studying done. Even if she was grateful for the Jaegers adopting her after her parents died, she hated the way he treated Eren. She just hoped that something would finally go right for Eren, because after all the failed relationships he already had he certainly needed someone to be kind to him.

 

* * *

 

 

Eren waited at the agreed meeting spot for his date - a park that was the halfway point between their houses, full of trees and had some kids refusing to leave as the sun was setting in the background - waving Josh over when he saw him in the distance and was greeted with a smile that made him melt a little. The tall vice captain ran over and they talked for a bit, both a little shy but Eren broke the ice and his ego was fed when he managed to make his date blush, smirking to himself and holding his hand so they could be on their way to the bowling alley.

They started off jokingly missing the pins but at some point the vibe changed and it got competitive, especially when Eren and Josh’s scores were so close to each other. When Eren won, he boasted for a couple minutes before Josh shut him up with a kiss that left the brunette staring with his cheeks flushed and eyes wide for a full minute, trying to speak but not really saying anything.

Josh paid for the food and it was indeed terrible but they ate it anyway because it was a month’s allowance that went into the bland mess in front of them. Eren would occasionally update his sister but was mostly distracted by the stories Josh was telling him so the texts were short and to the point. Eren was absolutely enamored by him and was disappointed when Josh told him it was about time to go, seeming reluctant to get up just as Eren was.

When they got outside, it was cold and Josh borrowed his jacket, pointing out that Eren should’ve worn more layers considering the weather and the brunette grumbled a little but didn’t stop him from putting his arm around his waist as they walked to hold him closer either. The vice captain was going in for a kiss when out of the corner of his eye he spotted their teammates hanging out, Josh and Eren had both turned down the request to go out with them that night since the date had already been planned beforehand. Eren was roughly shoved away and Josh took the jacket from him before they were noticed, holding his hand up in a short wave and an easy smile as the others looked their way.

“Thought you guys were busy tonight,” Said a tall redhead. “You two on a date or something?” He teased with a smirk.

“Nah, just got left hanging by our girls and so we just decided to meet up.” Josh covered, keeping himself relaxed.

“Sucks, you guys wanna join us? We were gonna go up to the lake and just talk or something.”

“Sure! You coming, Eren?” Josh asked, looking down at the brunette.

Eren had been mostly in stunned silence, heart aching in his chest at the way Josh had so easily denied their entire evening together. He numbly nodded and joined the group, getting a comforting pat on the back from their catcher and a concerned look.

When they arrived at the lake, Eren had cheered up momentarily with the overall good feelings projecting from his teammates but he stayed away from Josh and sat on away from him when they got there. He didn’t contribute much to the conversation but would give his two cents if he needed to.

He was the first to leave and that’s when everything settled and arranged itself in his head. It was hard to text Mikasa when his vision was so blurry and his fingers were so shaky, both from pent up emotion and the cold but he managed even though the text was sent when he was already outside the house since he took so long between organizing his thoughts, walking and freezing to the bone.

As soon as Mikasa heard the keys turn in the front door she abandoned her studies and rushed down the stairs to greet Eren, her phone still clutched tightly in her hand since she had been checking it constantly for texts. The very last message had her a little concerned, since he hadn’t seemed as excited as before. “Eren, how did it go?” She asked, her smile instantly disappearing when she reached the bottom of the stairs and managed to take a good look at Eren.

Straight away Mikasa noticed his slightly red and puffed up eyes despite his best attempts to hold back the tears, and the same forced smile he always gave her when he was trying to hide just how heartbroken he was. “What did he do?!” She demanded.

“He didn’t do anything.” Eren replied easily. “What are you doing up anyway? It’s like… Three in the morning.”

“I was worried about you so I couldn’t sleep.” Mikasa explained as she gave Eren a knowing look. “Eren...I can tell something happened.”

“A great date happened, sis. It was great and I’m tired so can I go to my room or what?” Eren said as he motioned to Mikasa blocking his way up the stairs.

“But I can tell you’ve been crying. You wouldn’t cry if he hadn’t hurt you in some way. And I know that smile...that’s your ‘I’m not fine but I’m going to pretend I am’ smile.” Mikasa huffed, folding her arms across her chest and refusing to move. “Tell me what he did. I swear if he did anything bad, me and Annie will make sure he regrets it.”

Eren groaned, figuring it’d be faster if he just told her. “He shoved me away when we found the guys on our way out, didn’t want to admit we were on a date. Satisfied?” He said with a tired sigh.

Mikasa let out a soft sigh, pulling Eren into a hug. “I’m sorry, that was unfair of him. You should just tell him how hurt you are by that.”

“Eventually, but not tonight.” Eren mumbled, it became harder to hold back tears as soon as he was pulled into the hug, shoulders shaking as he returned it, burying his face on Mikasa’s shoulder.

“Whatever happens, I’m always here for you.” Mikasa replied, softly rubbing Eren’s back before she pulled away and gave him a reassuring smile. She had told him that many times already and wasn’t sure if it was much help, but she meant it all the same.

“Ugh, gross, you love me.” Eren chuckled softly, wiping the tears away from his eyes with his sleeve.

“Of course I do. You’re my brother.” Mikasa sighed, rolling her eyes at him. “It’s late so you should probably sleep.”

“It’s what I was trying to do. If only someone wasn’t in my way.” Eren hummed.

Mikasa finally moved out of the way so Eren could go upstairs, a small pout on her face. “I’m sorry...I just worry about you.”

“I know.” He replied. “... It means a lot.” He said when he was at the top of the stairs.

“Yeah, I know it does. Now try and get some sleep.” Mikasa said with a warm smile. She waited until Eren had headed to his bedroom before making sure he had locked the front door properly, knowing he had a bad habit of forgetting things like that when he was upset. She then headed up the stairs herself but didn’t have much hope of getting some sleep. Mikasa knew she would end up worrying about him until the early morning.

Eren tried to sleep. He really did. But all he could do was uselessly toss and turn until his phone lit up with a soft ping noise. He squinted at the screen and immediately regretted it when his vision focused on the text that read: ‘ _sorry about tonight, really had fun but i cant keep doing this. Im not ready, sorry xo_ ’  
  
He didn't sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day things were more or less back to normal despite the obvious change in Eren’s behaviour. Grisha didn’t seem to care as usual, while Carla decided to give Eren some space and hoped he would be willing to open up about whatever was bothering him in time.

At school, Eren’s friends at least tried to ask what was wrong but soon gave up after the third ‘No really, I’m fine’ and instead attempted to ignore his glum expression and the repeated forlorn sighs. His teammates simply assumed Eren was pining over a girl once again since Josh had mentioned them being stood up the day before. At this point he had developed a reputation for taking any breakups very badly, so it didn’t seem that unlikely.

Josh was the only person who knew the real reason why Eren was so miserable, but he chose not to say anything and did his best to keep his distance. He didn’t want it turn into a big argument, especially not in front of their friends. They managed to make it through practice without arguing, but at the end Josh used being behind on studying to leave a little earlier. He let out a relieved sigh as he packed away his things in the locker room, feeling grateful Eren hadn’t said anything about their date.

Eren excused himself to use the bathroom when he saw Josh leaving, heading towards the locker room. “I knew you were an asshole, but I wasn’t aware that you were a coward too.” He said, crossing his arms.

Josh frowned as he turned to face Eren, quickly throwing the last of his things into his bag. “Do you really wanna do this here? I’m sorry, okay?”

“If it isn’t now you’ll just keep running. Or did you plan on sending another stupid text? Do I really mean  _nothing_ to you?”

“Listen, I really am sorry. I had so much fun with you yesterday and I do like you, but I just can’t deal with this right now.” Josh sighed, shaking his head. “Honestly, with your dad being the way he is I thought you’d understand that.”

“If I let a bigot control my life then I would already be a grave, Josh! It was going so well, we could actually have something and you’re throwing it away just like it didn’t happen! I doubt the team would even care!” Eren replied with wild hand movements. “You’re so.. I’ve never been so happy with someone before and now you’re doing this to me!”

“I didn’t do this on purpose!” Josh groaned, nervously glancing around to make sure no one was nearby to overhear them. “You don’t know for sure that the team wouldn’t care. And yeah, maybe  _they_ wouldn’t but nothing stays secret in high school. People would find out and start talking, and I know for sure if my parents ever found they wouldn’t be okay with it. I like you but you don’t get to decide when I come out!”

Eren was quiet for a moment, hugging himself as he looked at the ground and sighed. “You’re right… I can’t decide that for you and I won’t force you or tell anyone. Mikasa won’t tell either. But you… A text? Seriously?”

“I wanted to like...I don’t know? Let you know yesterday but, my bad? Yeah...that was pretty dumb of me.” Josh shrugged with a sheepish look.

“Ugh, fuck you and your pretty lookin’ ass.” Eren groaned. “Just go home before I do something stupid.”

Josh slung his sports bag over his shoulder and started to walk out, giving Eren a brief pat on the shoulder as he went pat. “Sorry, dude.” He said casually before he left, as if what had happened between them was minor and insignificant, and it hadn’t caused Eren that much emotional pain.

Eren ended up kicking Josh’s locker hard enough to push the door in before going back to the field and bat his feelings away for an afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello!!! it's been a while and we're terribly sorry but personal life got in the way and we had to say goodbye to a fandom for a while with posting the last chapter of a fanfic we loved so much hahah
> 
> but we're back! 
> 
> i wont make promises though, life is a bitch and we might go on hiatus for a while again if something else gets in the way
> 
> like my finals! HAH end me now 
> 
> \- A


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Links:   
>  [This fic's playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/sqgmudtepd6g6kafz7of08ds0/playlist/54JTgZAMhNWfI7wOafsDKJ?%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20si=qqAcMajCR5GLn1FKZSiGDw)
> 
> [A's twitter](https://twitter.com/saegigo)
> 
> [M's twitter](https://twitter.com/MonoVarnham)

**October, 1998**

 

 

After the date with Erwin ended, even though Levi felt like he never wanted to leave the man’s side he forced himself to pull away and head home. Despite Erwin’s repeated offers to give him a ride home, Levi refused and chose to walk. Perhaps it was inevitable that Erwin was going to meet his Uncle Kenny at some point, but for now Levi refused to let his home life ruin things.

By the time Levi arrived at his front door it was already dark outside. Hoping that his uncle was either out or passed out from drinking too much as usual, Levi unlocked the door as quietly as possible and crept inside. As soon as he had entered the small lounge, Levi found himself tripping over one of the many cheap beer bottles scattered across the floor and stumbling back with a loud thud.

Kenny’s eyes opened as soon as he heard Levi stumble around, he tried to stand up but the dizziness of his hangover drove him to sit back down. Cradling his face with his hands, he addressed Levi with an angry groan, glaring through his fingers. “Do you know what time it is, you little shit?!”

Levi struggled to stand back up, rolling his eyes at his uncle before briefly glancing at the watch on his wrist. “It’s only 8pm.” He stated matter-of-factly.

“It’s dark outside, ‘n’ I’m pretty damn sure it’s a fuckin’ school night!” Kenny finally managed to stand up, putting his finger in Levi’s face as he scolded him.

“It’s not a school night. It’s Saturday.” Levi replied, trying to keep his voice even as he took a hesitant step back.

“Don’t try t’ fool me, kid.” Kenny snarled, grabbing his nephew by the collar of his shirt. “Where the heck were ya?!”

Levi winced slightly but didn’t bother to struggle or fight back. He knew better by now than to get into a serious argument with his uncle. “Just out…” He mumbled quietly.

Kenny scoffed at Levi’s vague reply - It was always the same. “Just out. Must be easy bein’ a fuckin’ disappointment all the time if ya can just ‘be out’.” He roughly let go of him, shoving him aside.

For a brief moment, Levi considered just walking away and taking advantage of the fact his uncle hadn’t completely lost it on this occasion. But as he turned to go upstairs, he couldn’t help but have the last word. “I’m the disappointment? You’re the drug addict with crack on the table.” Levi huffed, glaring over at the familiar white powder laid out on the table.

As Levi was walking away, Kenny had bent down to pick up a stray bottle of beer that happened to not be empty, quickly straightening himself when he heard him talk back, still holding it. “The fuck did you say?” He growled as he chucked the bottle at him, aiming for the head but hitting him square in the stomach instead.

Levi immediately tumbled back to the bottom of the stairs, clutching his stomach and letting out a soft groan. “Ah, fuck…” He hissed under his breath, looking up at his uncle. “Nothing...I didn’t say anything…”

Kenny walked over and stepped on an old bruise in his abdomen “Say it again, I dare you.” He grinned.

Levi let out another groan, turning his head away from Kenny defiantly. He silently hoped that his uncle would soon get bored or feel too tired to fight with him anymore.

“Talk to me dammit!” Kenny shouted, kicking him on the side repeatedly.

“Aah! Get the fuck off me!” Levi snapped between hisses of pain. He quickly sat up, kicking Kenny roughly in the shin and causing him to lose his balance and fall on top of him. Levi instinctively lashed out again, throwing a punch towards his face.

Kenny caught Levi’s arm before his fist gets close to his face at all. “I’ll teach ya to talk back, brat!” He said as he harshly twisted it until he heard it snap.

Levi screamed out loudly, desperately kicking him harder in an attempt to make him let go. “You sick fuck!” He snapped furiously.

“Teachin’ you a lesson!” Kenny said as he let him go, losing interest. “Better not see your ass goin’ to school on Monday.”

Levi managed to crawl to the bottom of the stairs, grabbing the banister with his one good hand and using it to hoist himself up. He slowly made his way up the stairs, gritting his teeth to try and ignore the pain. Although being with his uncle was the last thing he wanted, Levi felt like he had no choice but to obey the man’s words and skip school for the next few days.

 

* * *

  

On the first day Levi didn’t show up, Hange suspected the usual but tried to ignore the anxiety that didn’t allow her to pay attention in class.

When she encountered Erwin in the hallway, she tried her best to answer his questions without giving away too much but ended up just running away after saying a quick lie once he started asking for a lot more than she was allowed to share.

On day two, Hange tried to text him again when she was home, since there was no reply after a couple hours, she went to Levi’s place fully aware Kenny had a habit of disappearing for a while around this time of year so she figured it was safe to stand outside Levi’s window and throw pebbles at it to get his attention as she had done multiple times before.

It took a few minutes for Levi’s window to finally open, the short male poking his head outside with a furious expression. “What?! What the hell is it?! I was trying to sleep!” He shouted down to her.

“You’re alive!” Hange smiled and dropped the rest of the pebbles she had been holding. “I came to check on you, dumbass.”

“Of course I’m alive. You’re the dumbass.” Levi sighed, shaking his head. “Just stay there for a minute.” He added, shutting the window and disappearing from view. A few minutes later he was at the front door, casually leaning against the frame as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

Hange was going in for a hug but stopped herself when she saw the bandages Levi had used as a support for his arm that looked quite sloppy. “How long ago was that?” She asked softly.

“Oh, this...the same day me and Erwin went on a date.” Levi replied with a shrug, glancing down at his damaged arm.

“Is it because he found out about... You know...”

“Ha, no. Do you think I’d still be standing here talking to you if he’d found out?” Levi asked with a wry smile before walking away from the door. “You coming in or what?”

“Uh yeah…” Hange sighed and went inside. “Let me fix that, you did a pretty bad job.”

Levi lazily flopped down on the couch, glancing over at Hange expectantly. “Fine.” He mumbled, wincing slightly as he pulled up his sleeve to reveal yet more awkwardly wrapped bandages along with several bruises.

“Jesus…” Hange sighed and excused herself to get the first aid kit to take care of the bruises and his broken arm as best as she could, aware that taking him to a hospital would be more dangerous for him in the future. “You should’ve just told me. Now your bruises are worse than they need to be.” She grumbled as she sat next to Levi and unraveled the poorly applied bandages, putting them aside and winced at the sight of his broken arm.

“Tell you how? The asshole found my phone. I don’t know where the fuck he put it.” Levi huffed, glancing away from her.

“I’ll find it later.” Hange shrugged. “You’re probably just old and blind.”

“Maybe…” Levi mumbled, feeling far too tired and depressed to argue. After a long awkward silence, he let out a long sigh. “So by the way...how’s Erwin?”

“He’s worried about you.” Hange glanced up at him and continued on treating Levi’s bruises. “Asked about you a lot but I tried to be vague.”

“He’s been worrying? That’s actually pretty nice.” Levi said with a weak smile, sounding slightly surprised.

“He’s… Your boyfriend?” Hange let out an exasperated sigh. “Of course he cares. He was worried you’d gotten lost on the way or someone kidnapped you or… A bunch of other scenarios he came up with.”

“Nah, it was just the usual shit. He started laying into me as soon as I got back.” Levi sighed, running his fingers through his own hair with his good hand. “Don’t tell Erwin about any of that though. He doesn’t need to know.”

“I won’t… How long has he been gone?” Hange asked.

“Since yesterday.”

“Have you eaten at all? Are there any other bruises I should look at?”

Levi shrugged, wincing slightly at the motion and instantly regretting it. “I guess...you might want to take a look at these.” He murmured, lifting up his shirt to reveal more dark bruises covering his rib cage.

“Were you planning on telling me about these at all?” She sighed and adjusted her glasses to take a closer look.

“Well I just did, didn’t I?” Levi huffed with another eye roll.

“Because I asked. I’m assuming you haven’t eaten for what. Two days?”

Levi let out a long groan, turning away from her slightly. “It’s fine, it’s whatever. I couldn’t be bothered cooking or anything, but I feel alright.”

“I’ll go out and get you something when I’m done with this… And after that, I’ll find your phone.” Hange mumbled.

“Thanks. Can I go back to sleep then?” Levi sighed.

“No? You should try to stay awake and drink water or something. I’ll be out for ten minutes or something.”

“Alright, fine.” He groaned, struggling to his feet and slowly making his way towards the tiny kitchen at the back of the house.

“I’ll get it for you, idiot!” Hange grumbled, going after him. “You can’t just be walking around.” She placed her hand on Levi’s shoulder with enough pressure to get his attention but not enough to hurt him.

“For fuck’s sake, four eyes! I am not a fucking invalid! I can walk to the damn sink by myself!” Levi snapped, attempting to brush her hand away. “Just go get the shitty food or whatever you’re doing.”

Hange let go and sighed, not really a fan of that nickname but let it slide as usual. “Fine, fine, I’ll go. Just be careful.”

“It’s a fucking sink. I think I can cope.” Levi sighed. He waited until she walked away and he heard the slam of the door before he started hobbling over to the sink again. He leaned up to get a glass out of the cupboard, managing to open the door with one hand only to drop the glass on the floor. “Ah! Fuck! Shit!” He screamed out as he watched the glass shatter, instinctively punching the fridge door in frustration. He slowly sunk down to the floor, letting out a long sigh and leaning his back against the fridge. “...I miss Erwin…” He mumbled quietly to himself.

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t until a few days later that Levi forced himself back into school, covering up his bruises with a Winter hoodie so no one would notice any difference. He had grown tired of Hange turning up at his house constantly and fussing around him, so he thought perhaps if he made it into school she would at least stop worrying as much. As he stood by his locker and tried to carry most of his textbooks in one arm, he winced slightly and suddenly regretted coming in to school so soon. “Fucks sake…” He muttered under his breath as the top few textbooks slid off the pile and on to the floor.

Erwin’s heart fluttered when he saw Levi back for the first time in a while, doing a light jog down the hallway when he saw him drop his books and bent down to help him out. “Hey, I missed you…” He smiled softly, looking up at him.

Levi’s heart skipped a beat as soon as he heard Erwin’s voice, but he quickly managed to regain his composure. “It was only a few days.” He replied casually.

“I know ya missed me.” Erwin chuckled and ruffled Levi’s hair as he picked up the rest of the books, holding them with one arm.

“Maybe.” Levi sighed, glancing up at Erwin. “So...how are you, I guess? And are you planning on keeping those?” He asked, pointing to the books Erwin was still holding.

“Can you carry all of these?” Erwin raised an eyebrow at him. “Kinda dropped them a minute ago.”

“Well if you want to be the big man and carry them that badly, it’s whatever. I’m too tired to argue.” Levi shrugged.

“Right.” Erwin snorted. “Where’s your first class?”

“Upstairs.” Levi said simply, already walking ahead towards the stairs and expecting Erwin to follow.

“I can really feel the love radiating off you this morning.” Erwin hummed. “...Is everything okay?”

“Apart from the fact my morning is starting with geography followed by math? Yeah, everything’s great." Levi grumbled. A feeling of anxiety suddenly washed over him, and he hoped Erwin wouldn’t ask any more probing questions.

“You know what I mean. But it’s okay if you don’t want to tell me. Just worried because Hange was weirdly cryptic about it? I’ll drop it. It’s fine. It’s fine.”

“Cryptic about what? What did she say exactly?” Levi asked, sounding far more panicked than he intended.

“I asked about you being gone for a week and she said you were just sick? But when I asked what it was you had she started freaking out and just kind of left me standing there and ran away. Hasn’t talked to me since really.” Erwin frowned a little as he explained himself. “And since you didn’t pick up when I called I just got more concerned.”

“That idiot…” Levi sighed, shaking his head a little. As they reached the top of the stairs, he held his one good arm out towards Erwin, the rest of the pile of books still awkwardly balanced there. “Well, better give me those back now.”

“I wasn’t literally planning on keeping them. You don’t look really stable, I’ll just take these to your desk and then I’m out of your hair.”

“I’m fucking fine. Jeez.” He groaned, kicking the door open so he wouldn’t have to use his arms. Everyone already inside the classroom jumped slightly in the seats, turning to stare at both of them with confused expressions.

“Please don’t damage the property.” Erwin sighed fondly. “Can you tell me where your desk is?”

“The one in the corner at the back.” Levi replied, nodding towards his desk. As they walked towards the back of the classroom, everyone slowly turned in their seats and continued to gawp.

“Why are they all looking? Do they do this every time?” Erwin whispered as he put Levi’s books down on the desk.

“Normally they don’t even notice my existence. It’s because you’re here.” Levi huffed, flopping down in his seat and dropping his bag on to the floor.

“Oh.” Erwin waved at them and when some squealed he looked confused, turning back to Levi. “That was weird.”

“Thought you’d be used to having squealing fans by now.” Levi mumbled with a pout, feeling a pang of jealousy.

“I have no idea who these people are.” Erwin said. “I like it at games but when it’s this it’s uncomfortable? I don’t know. Are you jealous?”

“Pfft...no! Why the hell would I be jealous?” Levi scoffed.

“I was just asking because you look more annoyed than usual.” Erwin smiled a little.

“I’m not annoyed or anything. Just heavily aware you get a lot of attention.”

“Jealous then.” Erwin hummed. “I should get going before I’m late but are you free later?”

“I...uh, yeah I guess...why?” Levi asked.

“So we can hang out? I miss you, c’mon.” He lightly punched Levi’s shoulder.

“It’s a date.” Levi stated matter-of-factly with a smug smile. It was the first time he had felt like smiling all day. But if Erwin was still going to be a part of his life, at least not everything was bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, but a lot of things have been happening in both our lives. But we're finally back, and ready to continue! And don't worry, things get better for Levi soon. - M


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Links:   
> [This fic's playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/sqgmudtepd6g6kafz7of08ds0/playlist/54JTgZAMhNWfI7wOafsDKJ?%20%0A%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20%20si=qqAcMajCR5GLn1FKZSiGDw)
> 
> [A's twitter](https://twitter.com/saegigo)
> 
> [M's twitter](https://twitter.com/MonoVarnham)

**March, 2016**

 

After a while of wandering around, Eren found the coffee shop Christine had insisted on going for their date. It was way too far from his house and he was aware no one was going to give him a ride. He was sure it was another recipe for failure, but, despite being aware of that, Eren figured he was used to the feeling anyway so it wouldn’t hurt too much if he went through it again.

He needed a conversation that wasn’t about his mother’s health, wanted to dress nice for something that wasn’t a hospital visit. He felt suffocated at home with his dad constantly hammering in the outlandish idea that his son was to blame for his mother's bedridden state.

Armin and Mikasa’s attempts at comforting Eren weren’t very successful after weeks of hearing the same accusations on repeat, he had truly started believing that he contributed to the spreading of his mother’s disease.

He stressed her out too much. All the dates that weren't working out, that always generated gossip about the Jaeger family.

She tended to be pressured to deal with it when she was still able to be taken care of at home. It was always about her son being public with his sexuality, and she did her best to ignore the disgusted looks she got when she was out for a stroll meant to clear her head; all for raising a child that by most was considered to be a creature of repulsive duality. Someone who couldn't make up their mind.

The constant whispers turned Eren into the exhausted and depressed heap he tended to become after another night of questioning the things that he had always been told to fix, the ones where he would really try his best to pick a side and for a while he would think he had finally done it! Finally he picked a side. Some nights would have him believe he was straight or gay if he tried hard enough to forget that there was more to his feelings than that.

An attention whore is what he started being called since New Years, and at this point, Eren was finding it hard to prove otherwise because that really is all he wanted. Attention. Attention that he never got positively outside of baseball.

All of this, all his crisis, all his stress tantrums, that must've been stressful for his mother. And that contributed to her living stuck in a hospital.

Eren entered the coffee shop, shaking himself out of his thoughts, and looked for a head of blonde and pink hair somewhere and tried to look happy to see her, hoping he was doing a decent job that time.

“Christine, hey!” He smiled, sitting across from her.

“Hey.” Christine greeted in response, sounding very unenthusiastic and not even bothering to look up from her phone. “So like...are you gonna get the drinks?”

“Sure! Yeah, totally. Obviously. Duh.” Eren chuckled, already regretting his trek over to meet her. “What do you want to drink?” He asked as he stood up.

“A flat white.” She replied matter-of-factly, finally looking up from her phone.

“Got it.” He went up to the barista and asked for a flat white, choking on air when he was asked for $149. He had to reach for his debit card because he definitely did not have $200 cash on him, paid for the drinks and frowned as he went back to their table.

“Why’s it that expensive? Does it bring you back to life or something? Sheesh…” Eren grumbled, sipping from his black coffee.

“Uh...that’s like what I always have. It’s not that expensive, chill.” Christine sighed, rolling her eyes at him.

“Way too expensive for… I don’t even want to know what’s sloshing around in there.” Eren scrunched up his nose. “Whatever. Anyway!” He started talking about his team’s possibilities of going to Nationals and how excited he was for a good ten minutes of genuine happiness until Christine spoke up.

“Huh… That’s kinda lame. I don’t like sports or anything.” She said with a shrug when he paused.

“But you said you were into sports?”

“I’m like into guys who play sports because they’re hot, you know? But it’s totally boring and stuff.”

“Oh, right, makes sense.” Eren held back on rolling his eyes, glancing at his phone when Mikasa texted him again. “So what else are you into? Besides hot guys.”

“I’m into like fashion and beauty. My friend Kelly said I could totally be a designer, because like I have all these awesome ideas.” Christine explained with a smug smile, flicking her long hair back over her shoulder.

“That’s...That’s nice.” Eren says, clearly distracted by his phone at this point when it kept vibrating with new texts, from Armin as well at that point. Christine always found a way of talking about Kelly and he was honestly tired of it. He was itching to reply to the texts but didn’t think that’d be a good idea considering his date got jealous of anything and everything.

Christine pouted at him angrily, clicking her long acrylic nails at him to get his attention. “Oh my god, are you even listening?” She huffed, leaning over the table to glance at his phone. “Uhh...who the hell is Mikasa? She’s sent you like a thousand texts while we’ve been sat here!”

Eren sighed. “She’s my sister. And she sent five texts.”

“Uh huh...it’s always the sister.” Christine rolled her eyes, suddenly standing up from their table just as his phone started vibrating again, this time from an incoming call. “And now she’s calling you. Oh my god, I am so not into fake guys.” She added as she walked briskly past him, not even bothering to look back on her way out.

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” He groaned and didn’t really bother to go after her, answering the phone without checking the texts he’d been spammed with beforehand. “Sup.” He said as he idly took a sip of the drink Christine left behind and regretted it, making a grossed out face that got a look from the barista.

“Where are you?! Me and Armin have been messaging you constantly!” Mikasa shouted as soon as he answered, sounding far more emotional and panicked than usual.

“I told you I was out.” Eren replied. “What’s up with Armin? And why are you yelling at me?”

“Because mom is...I can’t….just…” Mikasa mumbled, her voice wavering slightly. There was a brief pause as she passed the phone to Armin.

“Eren, your mom is in a critical condition. The doctors told us she doesn’t have long.” Armin whimpered softly. “Mikasa and your dad are already here.”

“Wait what?!” Eren stood up abruptly and spilled his coffee over the table, running out of the coffee shop and to his motorcycle. He didn't bother to put his helmet on and didn't give much thought to hanging up the call, simply dead set on driving to the hospital as fast as he could.

Unfortunately, it was rush hour and Eren was forced behind long lines of traffic, panicking when he was stuck surrounded by loud noises of horns and yelling from other drivers so he couldn't even focus on the alarming issue at hand.

He tried not to have a panic attack on the road, tried to remember everything Mikasa had taught him to do in situations like this. He breathed in and out, clutching the handles of the motorcycle for dear life and managed to be stable enough that he could drive.

On the way over there were a thousand things keeping him from seeing his mom; he got stopped by an officer that forced him to put on his helmet, there was a crowd crossing the street and as usual he couldn't find a place to park at the hospital so he dropped his motorcycle on the sidewalk and just ran inside.

Eren almost yelled at the nurses but tried to keep his cool even if they were telling him to calm down over and over, which really didn't help. His heart sank when he saw the empty bed with his family standing by it.

“What's going on?” Eren asked, trying to keep the initial panic at bay.

Mikasa was leaning against the wall, her head hanging low with her long hair falling in front of her face. She didn’t even look up when Eren entered the room but continued to stare at the floor. Grisha also stayed leaning against the wall, his arms folded across his chest with a solemn expression.

Armin was the first to speak up, hesitantly walking over to Eren and placing a hand on his shoulder. “I’m really sorry…” He mumbled quietly.

“Did mom manage to get up? That’s great!” Eren chuckled nervously. “Why are you guys crying? Allergies? Spring’s a bitch huh!”

Mikasa let out a sudden loud sob, burying her face into her hands. Grisha moved away from the wall, giving Mikasa a brief reassuring pat on the shoulder as he walked past. He paused momentarily at the door, glancing at Eren with a disapproving look before leaving the room silently.

Armin took a deep breath, knowing full well that Eren wouldn’t take the news well. “Eren, I’m sorry but...your mom is gone.”

“Gone? You mean out for a walk? Hope she’s back soon!” Eren smiled, trying to ignore his dad’s clear disdain, stepping aside to let him through.”Man, I miss her.”

“No, Eren...that’s not what I meant. I mean she’s not with us anymore.” Armin sighed.

“Yeah, ‘cus she left.”

“Eren...that’s not...she’s-” Armin started but jumped suddenly when Mikasa’s fist slammed against the wall nearby.

“ _Eren!”_ Mikasa snapped angrily. “Our mom is dead!”

“What do you mean ‘our mom’?! Yours is already dead!”

Mikasa quickly turned on her heel to face him, punching him hard enough to send him tumbling backwards, while Armin simply whimpered quietly.

Eren grunted and hissed when he touched the bruise starting to form on his cheek. “What the fuck?!”

“Listen to me Eren! She raised me and brought me up all these years, and showed me all the love I could have ever asked for! So she was my mom too! Do you think you’re the only one who is grieving right now?! This is not just about you!” Mikasa screamed furiously, wiping the tears from her eyes as she glared at her brother.

“I never said it was about me! You… I didn’t even get to say goodbye!” Eren whimpered, trying to look somehow intimidating even through the start of a breakdown. “And.. And she was probably so disappointed in me before she went! C-Cus I was out on some stupid date a-and…” He started babbling gibberish as he slid down the wall, hugging his knees as he cried.

Mikasa let out a long sigh, sitting down on the floor beside him and hugging her knees to her chest. A few moments later Armin did the same, the three of them all sat together in the same position, silently crying with no real words of comfort to offer each other.

 

* * *

 

 

A few weeks after the funeral had passed Eren would still pace around the house as an attempt at processing his mother’s death. Although it didn’t really work when Grisha was acting so suspiciously as more and more of his belongings disappeared from around the house, he didn’t find it hard to ignore since his head was already so full.

“Okay. So. If I apologize to Jean about the one time I said his hair is dumb. Mom would come back right?” Eren asked, pausing his pacing to look at Armin. “But that’d be a lie. Maybe I should apologize for calling him something else.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works.” Armin sighed, watching Eren pace from side of the room to the other as he sat on the bed. “I know it’s really hard but your mom can’t come back. But I’m here for you.”

“Not even if I’m really really nice to Jean for a week?”

“You know that’s not how things work. Nothing we can do bring her back, but we can help each other get through this. I know what you’re going through, okay?” Armin asked.

“What do you know?” Eren grumbled, heavily sitting on the bed.

Armin stared back at him for a moment, his mouth hanging open and his eyes wide. “But I...I lost my parents too. Did you forget my grandpa is all that I have left?”

Eren sighed. “Right… Yeah, sorry… Just. Used to saying that now.”

“I know, I know. Everyone just says they know how you feel because they think it’s the right thing to say. But I have actually been through this, and so has Mikasa.” Armin sighed.

“Yeah. Yeah, I know. I’m sorry, it’s… This sucks. And it’s harder to think before I speak.”

 _You never think before you speak._ Armin briefly thought to himself, but decided not to say it out loud. “It’s fine. We’ll be okay.”

Eren nodded. “... Think we’re moving or something. Dad’s been packing his things.”

“Uh, yeah…” Armin mumbled quietly, averting his gaze. He had already worked out days ago the real reason why Grisha was most likely packing away all of his belongings, but he didn’t want to have to discuss that yet.

“You okay? You’re being weird.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be fine?” Armin shrugged.

“Dunno. If you’re fine, then you’re fine.” Eren flopped back on the bed. “So how’s your big ol’ gay crush on Jean?”

“What?!” Armin squealed, his cheeks flushing bright pink. “I...I don’t know! I haven’t seen him for a while!”

“You sure he isn’t in your dreams or something?”

“I don’t always remember my dreams. I usually forget them when I wake up.” Armin rambled nonsensically.

“Mhm. So it’s gone? Don’t get my hopes my up, ‘Min.” Eren hummed.

“I guess it’s not gone, I just like...I don’t think about him all the time or anything, but I guess when he’s near me or sits next to me or once when he kind of brushed his hand against mine and I just...ah…” Armin garbled, his blush darkening as he hid his head in his hands.

“Wait what.” Eren stared up at Armin. “That’s kinda weird to be excited about. Doesn’t Marco like. Touch people all the time. What would be so different if it’s Jean? Or me?” He poked Armin’s arm. “Does that do anything for you?”

“I don’t know why but it’s just different when it’s Jean okay!” Armin yelped.

“You have weird taste. I thought your kinks would redeem you.”

“It’s not a kink! I just...when you have a crush on someone pretty much everything they do is exciting.” Armin sighed, shaking his head. “I don’t know how to explain it. But just everything they do makes me feel warmer inside.”

“Groooooosssss.” Eren rolled over. “You’re lame.”

“Maybe? I think you’ll understand when you have a real crush too.” Armin replied with a weak smile.

“What do mean a _real crush_?”

“Well, I know you’ve been out with a lot of people but it’s not really the same? I think you go out with them because you want to be with someone. Not _them_ exactly, but just someone.”

“What do you mean a lot of people?” Eren frowned a little. “I think 5 people every 2 months is perfectly fine and average.”

Armin winced slightly, only just realising how many the number actually was. “It’s not that it’s wrong or anything, it’s just that I don’t think the feelings you have are quite the same.”

“Why wouldn’t they be? Because I’m not hung up on some asshole who doesn’t deserve you?”

“Eren! He’s not an asshole, he just doesn’t express himself in the right way sometimes.” Armin whined defensively.

“He literally had the worst reaction out of everyone when I came out. The fuck do you know, maybe he’s a homophobe.”

“He’s not a homophobe, he’s just confused by it I guess? I don’t know…” Armin shrugged.

Eren spent the rest of the afternoon teasing Armin about Jean and decided to stop getting too real about it. His best friend went over more often and was a distraction to what Grisha had been up to as more and more things seemed to disappear and beatings became more frequent and much harder to justify. 

One morning Eren and Mikasa woke up to a simple note that was straight to the point. Their dad said he was gone for business matters and left them a hefty amount of money as well as debit cards on the table. He mentioned he would pay for their necessities but if they wanted more luxury they would need to get a job for themselves.

Eren blamed himself for it, he really did. He hadn’t made their grieving easier but he’d seen somewhere that deaths like this broke families apart, he supposed he subconsciously knew what was going on but chose to ignore it.

Mikasa and Eren ended up staying up all night together while Armin was apparently needed by his grandfather more than ever, although they never got more details, they knew what to expect.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy sorry it took us so long to update it was mostly my fault since I was uninspired and was busy with a [ haikyuu zine](https://haikyuusuperherozine.tumblr.com/)
> 
> but im p sure we're back on track now! -A
> 
> Links:  
> [This fic's playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/sqgmudtepd6g6kafz7of08ds0/playlist/54JTgZAMhNWfI7wOafsDKJ?si=qqAcMajCR5GLn1FKZSiGDw)
> 
> [A's twitter](https://twitter.com/saegigo)
> 
> [M's twitter](https://twitter.com/MonoVarnham)

**October 2006**

  


Levi and Erwin continued to date each other through college, and despite their many ups and downs, they were now living together. There had been multiple times throughout their relationship where Levi had felt like perhaps things weren’t working out and they just weren’t supposed to be together.

Levi had only agreed to move in with Erwin in the first place because the only alternative was staying with his Uncle Kenny. He was now twenty-four, with no job and no income, and the only accomplishment in his life was the fact he had somehow managed to keep a relationship together for seven years.

He knew that he should probably feel grateful for the relationship they had, but things hadn’t worked out how he wanted. Why had time flown by so fast and he now found himself in his mid-twenties? Why had he wasted two years of hard work at a college and yet still couldn’t find a steady job? And most importantly, why did anyone actually want to live with someone else and be with them all the time?

It was these kinds of thoughts that were occupying his mind as he pulled up in his car outside Hange’s house. No matter how bad things had gotten in life, she had always been there for him so if anyone could help him figure things out, it would be her.

Hange greeted Levi by forcing a tight hug on him as she dragged him inside. “I can already tell by your face you’re gonna spill something bad, what is it?”

“How do you always know?” Levi sighed, though secretly he was rather relieved she could tell. It meant he could skip straight to the important part of the conversation without having to slowly lead to it. He flopped down on the couch in her living room before running his fingers through his own hair. “Okay, listen...It’s about me and Erwin.”

“Did he put the dishes away wrong again?” Hange sat with her legs over Levi’s lap. “Because I don’t have time for that discussion again.”

“It’s not that, but I’ve told him so many times! There’s a specific order to put them in! I have a system!” Levi huffed in frustration.

Hange rolled her eyes and pushed his face with her foot. “Tell me what’s actually wrong then.”

“Get your foot out of my face! I don’t know where it’s been!” Levi snapped, forcefully grabbing her ankle and pulling her leg down away from him before he continued. “The thing is...Everything’s wrong. Just all of it. I do love Erwin and I thought this is what I wanted, but none of this feels right. I’m just annoyed and frustrated and unhappy all the time. We shouldn’t be living together if it feels like that, should we?”

Levi paused for a moment, glancing up at Hange with a depressed look. “That’s why I’ve decided I’m going to break up with him tonight. We’re having dinner together anyway, and we never have much to talk about. So it seems ideal.”

“And you’re sure you want to do it tonight..?” Hange scrunched up her nose. She knew it was their anniversary and really hoped Levi had just forgotten again, not wanting to entertain the thought of him being that inconsiderate.

“Yes, I’m sure. Erwin’s planned another one of random dates he insists on, even though we have plenty of food at home and it’s expensive. So it just seems like a good time since I’ll have his full attention.” Levi shrugged nonchalantly.

“You’re really calm considering he’s been your boyfriend for seven years, Levi.” She sighed. “Be tactful when you bring it up at least…”

“I am going to be tactful. That’s why I want his full attention.” Levi sighed, rolling his eyes at her.

“Try to show emotion too, asshole.”

“Wow...Thanks. I thought you had my back.” Levi replied with a frown. If he was being honest with himself, he probably was being an asshole. But at the same time, he didn’t want to keep leading Erwin on indefinitely and getting overly emotional wasn’t going to help.

“Having your back doesn’t mean I can’t call you out on your bullshit. Have you thought this out? Are you going to continue having dinner with him? Are you still going to live together? A restaurant seems like a bad place to break up at.”

“I’ve already explained why I’m doing it at the restaurant. And it is cost-efficient but I guess us still living together would be too awkward. So that’s why I was thinking I could come here and live with you for a bit.” Levi looked up at Hange with a hopeful look, already assuming she would be fine with that. They already spent a lot of time together so he couldn’t think why it would be a problem.

“Don’t even bother asking or anything.” Hange grumbled. “But yeah you could stay here.”

“I guess it will all work out in the end then.” Levi remarked, though honestly, he wasn’t so sure.

 

* * *

 

A few hours later, Levi found himself sitting in the lounge scrolling through job vacancies on his laptop, only barely listening to whatever Erwin was saying to him and offering the occasional “Mhm.” as a response. Just as he thought earlier, sharing a home with someone and living the stereotypical domestic life really didn’t seem to agree with him.

Erwin paused his ramblings for a moment, he noticed Levi wasn't really listening a while ago but kept talking anyway. He roughly placed the plates in the cupboard to get his attention. “So don’t lose track of time, I have a surprise for you.”

Levi glanced up at Erwin with a frown when he heard the loud chink of the plates. “Yes, I know. We’re going out. I haven’t forgotten.” He sighed, rolling his eyes a little. This was one of the annoying habits that would often annoy Levi; being dragged out on random dates for no particular reason.

“Thought I would remind you since you seem more focused on your screen right now.” Erwin was already questioning whether or not he should shut down the surprise and keep it a regular date.

“Well some of us have to work hard to find a job and are not just given one by our Dad in accounting.” Levi huffed.

He bit his tongue before opening his mouth, not wanting to start a full-blown argument. “I earned that job. I didn't get it just because of that. I had to work for it.”

“If you say so.” Levi mumbled, turning his attention back to his laptop. “Some of us have to fill in a lot of stupid forms every day only to be rejected for jobs we are overqualified for.”

“And I'm sorry about that but you don't need to take it out on me every time.”

Levi flipped the lid of the laptop down angrily and slammed it down on the coffee table, not even bothering to close the web page he was on. “Fine. We don’t need to have this conversation again.”

“Good. Go get ready then.” Erwin winced a little at the sound of the laptop being slammed down so harshly. He figured he should get a backup one just in case. Again.

Levi stood up with a frustrated sigh, making his way passed Erwin and heading up the stairs to get changed. He wasn’t even sure why they were bothering to get dressed up and go out that evening, since as far as he was aware it was just a normal day.

 

* * *

 

Erwin excused himself away from the dinner table, temporarily interrupting the companionable silence between them, only to return in Levi’s direction instead of his own seat.

He got down on one knee and they were soon being stared at by several other patrons who seemed more eager than the couple. He would have appreciated a clearer reaction from Levi, even if he himself looked stoic, but decided to continue regardless. Fetching the small box from his blazer’s inner pocket, he looked up at his boyfriend and found the guts to share his rehearsed speech.

“As you are aware, Levi, today is our anniversary… I remember our first date clear as day. The start was rather inconvenient and perhaps we rushed into our relationship... To be honest, I didn't think we would spend seven long years together, but it surprised me in the most wonderful way. Levi, I love you. I never thought I would ever say that to someone and mean it. I never thought I would be the kind of man whose heart would still race as if it’s my first time meeting you… You changed my life, Levi. I would be honored to spend the rest of it with you. Will you marry me?”

Levi completely froze in his seat, staring down at Erwin with wide eyes. For a long while, he was unable to say anything, too busy trying to comprehend the situation. He had known they had been together a long time but had it really been that long? Was it really their anniversary? Levi could have sworn it had been a normal day, but as he thought about it he realised he had no idea what date their anniversary was supposed to be.

“What...What are you doing?” He asked quietly under his breath before glancing around at the large number of people staring intently. Even if this really wasn’t what he wanted, saying no in front of so many people seemed impossible. “Yes…” He managed to say loud enough for everyone to hear.

Erwin didn't notice Levi was a bit off for once, they had had a nice evening so far so he saw no reason to examine him more than usual. He smiled as he slipped the ring on Levi’s finger, standing to cup his cheeks and press a kiss on his lips that gained some support from the crowd. Even if he did feel the judgmental silence of most onlookers, he tried his best not to care.

“Erwin, please... there are still people looking at us.” Levi whimpered but he didn’t bother to pull away. He simply tried to ignore the huge wave of anxiety washing over him and the way his heart was beginning to pound in his chest.

“Do you want to leave?” Erwin mumbled so only Levi could hear. “You look like you need some air.”

“Yeah, I’d rather not have complete strangers gawping at me anymore.” Levi murmured, instinctively leaning in closer to Erwin in an attempt to hide from the various onlookers. It was probably the wrong thing to do considering the circumstances, and Erwin was sure to get the wrong idea. But things had already escalated beyond what Levi had ever expected.

Erwin nodded and dropped an amount of cash on the table he figured would be enough for their bill and still a hefty tip. He didn't hold Levi’s hand, figuring that would be too much for him at the moment, but let him walk ahead to be the first out of the restaurant. “Deep breaths, alright? It's okay…”

Levi walked briskly through the restaurant without stopping until they were outside and away from any other people. He leaned against a nearby wall with his eyes closed, trying not to get annoyed at Erwin’s overprotective nature. “It’s fine. I’m fine. I’m not panicking. It’s fine.” He gasped, trying to convince himself more than anything.

“Would a hug still be too much right now?”

“Yes, it would!” Levi snapped, sounding a lot harsher than he intended.

“Alright then, no hug.” Erwin nodded and waited patiently and silently for Levi to settle down.

Levi took a few more deep breaths to calm himself, holding his head in his hands. He tried to block out the fact that Erwin was staring at him expectantly and attempted to think of what to do next. Perhaps Erwin would understand once the two of them were alone and he had a chance to explain things properly. He could simply explain that he panicked and said yes, but it was all too soon. He wasn’t ready to get married.

“Okay...I think I’m good now.” Levi breathed out at last.

Erwin nodded, knowing it was best to cut their evening short. “Let's get home then? We don't need to talk about it until you want to.”

“I know, I know. I’ll be fine, let’s just get back home.” Levi sighed, finally moving away from the wall. He refused to look Erwin in the eyes, already dreading the conversation they were going to have to have at some point that night.

 

* * *

 

Erwin was tense on the drive home and almost considered turning on the radio to cut through the silence. Levi hadn’t said a word the whole way and seemed to flinch away when Erwin tried to hold his hand, he gave up after that and figured he should give him time to think. It wasn’t crazy that he needed time, getting married was a big decision and Erwin understood that he needed to think about it and how it would affect his life, it’s what he would’ve done if he had been on the other side of the proposal.

He tried not to think too much about it but he had started to wonder if it was too soon, if he read it all wrong and that maybe proposing was the opposite of what Levi wanted. Erwin let him go and went to his office to try and drown his thoughts with work, hoping Levi would talk to him soon.

Levi was incredibly relieved to be given some space when they finally returned home, not wanting to have to talk about things before he had a chance to fully calm down. He hadn’t known it was their anniversary and he felt like he couldn’t break up with him knowing that, but he also couldn’t accept his proposal when he wasn’t even sure about being in a relationship anymore.

All of this was far too much to cope with so Levi did the same thing he always did when he felt overwhelmed. He sat down on the couch with his knees pulled up to his chest and called Hange. “Come on...Pick up…” He huffed quietly to himself.

Hange picked up the phone, putting it on speaker as she organized her paperwork. “How’s he doing? Were you too harsh? Are you okay? Did he punch you? I would.”

“What the hell?! Why would you punch me?!” Levi gasped, before quickly shaking his head and trying to compose himself. They had far more important things to discuss than that. “Actually, never mind...Just listen. There’s...There’s been a new development.”

“So you didn’t break up?”

“No, we’re actually engaged.” Levi replied casually, glancing down at the ring that was now on his finger. “He proposed. I’ve got a ring. So...Yeah.”

Hange almost spat out her coffee over her students’ assignments and made an alarmed sound as she choked. “Are you a fucking idiot? What happened!”

“What do you think happened?! He proposed and did this big romantic speech, and everyone was staring at us so I just panicked! You do realise you’re supposed to say yes when that happens right?!” Levi snapped.

“You don’t have to! That makes your situation even worse! What are you gonna do?!” She waved her hands around wildly as she yelled at him even though he couldn’t see her.

“I don’t know!” Levi whined loudly, quickly covering his mouth with his hand. It would make things even worse if Erwin overheard this conversation. He started to nervously pace up and down, thinking things over in his head. “I mean...Maybe we could get married?”

“You don’t love him anymore, dumbass! You shouldn’t even keep dating much less get married! Are you gonna break up when you have 700 children?!”

“How would that even work when we’re both men?” Levi asked. He stayed quiet for a long moment, trying to imagine what marrying Erwin would be like. Their living arrangements probably wouldn’t change much and they had managed so far, even if it wasn’t perfect. And Erwin was the sort of man most people would be incredibly grateful to marry.

As he tried to picture the actual wedding ceremony in his head he immediately flinched. The idea of that was terrifying, but then when he thought of what might happen if he tried to break up that was far worse. He didn’t know if he would ever find anyone else to even date again, let alone want to marry him.

“Listen, Hange...I think I was wrong about what I said before. This is what people do, isn’t it? They settle down and get married, and Erwin is a great guy. I do still love him. I do. This is fine.”

“Maybe you love him but clearly it’s not romantic don’t trick yourself into ruining your own life.” Hange sighed. “Your relationship has already started feeling toxic…”

“How is it toxic? We live together just fine, we go out on dates. Erwin treats me well so...So this is good, isn’t it? I should be happy about this.” Levi replied, trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince Hange.

“Erwin is a good guy… I would never think otherwise. And he’s doing his best, I know that too. But you too have been fighting too much, every little thing becomes two days of silence. Maybe you guys just rushed into all this, something happened that made you two stop clicking, maybe you should’ve just been friends, I don’t know. I… You’re not forced to be happy and neither is Erwin. You’re hurting him and yourself if you say yes, Levi. I’m trying to have your back here.”

“But we did love each other so much. That doesn’t just go away, does it? I used to be so sure of everything.” Levi let out a depressed sigh. “I don’t want to think that I’ve just wasted seven years of my life for no reason!”

“You grew and changed during your time with Erwin, it wasn’t for no reason… This is the time where you should think of yourself, Levi.”

“Think of myself?” Levi mumbled so quietly it was barely audible. He tried to imagine what things would be like without Erwin, but the alternatives seemed to be nothing but bad. If he broke up with Erwin then he might lose Erwin out of his life completely. He would have to stay with Hange for who knows how long, and could end up being all alone, or worse forced to rely on Kenny again.

“No, this is what want.” Levi finally said in as confident a voice as he could manage.

“If you say so…” Hange sighed, figuring she should drop it since she knew there was no way she could change his mind right now. “Be careful for me, will you?”

“I’m getting married, not climbing Mount Everest.” Levi huffed. “By the way, thank you for always being there for me.”

“No problem… I’m always gonna be here for you, it’s not something you have to worry about.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Levi quickly hung up the phone, letting out a long sigh to try and calm himself. If he was going to commit to this, he would need to commit to this fully. Leaving his phone on the coffee table, he made his way to Erwin’s office and opened the door without knocking.

“Erwin…Can we talk?” He asked hesitantly as he paused in the doorway.

Erwin perked up from his desk, heart racing. “Yes! I mean, of course, come in…” He cleared his throat.

Levi quickly crossed the room to stand at Erwin’s side, ignoring the way his heart was beating faster from all the anxiety he felt. “I’m sorry I freaked out a little...But I love you and I want to marry you.”

Erwin stood up and hesitated before fully wrapping his arms around Levi. “Is it okay to touch you now? Because I would really like that right now…”

“It’s fine.” Levi replied, wrapping his own arms around Erwin’s waist and resting his head against his chest.

Erwin hugged him tight, something felt off but he tried to push those thoughts away in favor of holding Levi. “I love you so much, Levi…”

“I love you too.” Levi sighed, his voice wavering a little. He was sure he loved Erwin in some way, and in that moment the hug did feel nice and comforting. But everything else about this situation felt terrifying. Despite that, Levi decided to ignore all the fear and push on with this decision. It was too late go back now.


End file.
